being cereal

Lukewarm - Just say no

2011-04-11T05:54:00.001-05:00

So like I said, I've been thinking a lot about double-mindedness lately. Here is the "more stuff":

What does it mean when Jesus says "I will spit you out of my mouth?" Well, I'm honestly not sure. But I think Romans 1 might be a good place to start:

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles. Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts... Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them. Romans 1:21-32

God gives us freedom to choose. If we continue to choose gossip, slander, disobedience, etc. instead of Him, then eventually he will "give us over" to whatever it is we're choosing. Consider the times in our lives when we choose to rebel. For example, the first time we lie to a friend or spouse. Maybe we feel bad about it at first, but we continue to do it and each time it gets a little easier. I don't know... maybe it's that simple.

Lately, I've had a lot of questions around the last part of the passage, "... but also approve of those who practice them." I know I'm broken and I'm a sinner. Also, I know I can repent and receive salvation. What I'm not clear on is what is the difference between loving someone and "approving of" what they do?

(Lately, I seem to be saying "lately" a lot.)

There's no big point to this post other than this: At the end of the day, I want to be right smack dab in the middle of where God wants me - loving him, and receiving his love for me. Also, I want my peeps to feel loved by me all the time.

I suppose I'll continue to wonder aloud...

Lukewarm

2011-04-04T05:18:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about double-mindedness lately. Below is something I wrote last year for a different blog. Read it first and then I'll say more stuff.

We had a question about “a double-mindedness spirit." I wasn’t exactly sure about the difference between this spirit and a spirit of duplicity. Here is (hopefully) a clearer explanation of these two spirits (or three if you count double-mindedness twice):

Double-mindedness

Some simple definitions of double-mindedness are “wavering or undecided in mind,” “unsettled,” “undetermined.” One who has a spirit of double-mindedness, probably struggles to make decisions and/or commitments. This person’s beliefs and convictions waver based on what or who is influencing her in the moment. In Matt 6:24, Jesus tells us that no one can serve two masters. If we are with Jesus, we are all in. A spirit of double-mindedness will cause us to “be of two minds,” one that claims to be on board with God and his Word, and another that is with the world. “With the world” basically means idolatry and catering to our flesh. So double-mindedness convinces us we can have it both ways, but Jesus says that’s not the case. One can’t totally be in Jesus’ camp, but allow worldly or fleshy factors to influence a decision.

Revelation 3: 14-16

"To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:

These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation. I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

This isn’t me, this is Jesus talking... I’m just sayin’. I like the idea of Jesus taking me up in his arms, not spiting me out of his mouth. But that’s just me.

While anyone can have a spirit of double-mindedness, it seems there are two main camps:

1. Those who are selfish, self-serving and focused on insuring their own needs are met. These people claim to know and love Jesus, but when it comes down to it, they choose Self first. They feel deserving and choose idols and flesh over obedience and faith.

2. Those who are afraid. They fear what others think, fear they will be rejected, fear they might be wrong. They operate in self-doubt and insecurity and the idea of putting a stake in the ground about a belief or decision is just too risky. These folks put man’s approval over God’s approval.

James has a thing or two to say about double-mindedness:

James 1:4-8

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

If you need wisdom, just ask. Trust you have received it and make a decision.

Don’t doubt. And if you chose to live in doubt and insecurity, don’t think you’ll receive anything from the Lord. You will lack stability in everything you do. So is it better to risk making the wrong decision than to live in indecision? In a word, yes. If you have asked for wisdom and believe that the choice you made is the Lord, you can’t go wrong. Isaiah 30 tells us whether we go to the right or the left, we will hear God tell us ‘this is the way, walk in it.” He is a loving Father. He can see our hearts and knows our motives. So if we misinterpret something and "go wrong," He is still delighted that our motives were pure - we thought we were obeying God. He will lead, guide and correct. Our job is to have faith, believe and take action. If there’s no decision, there’s no faith.

James 4:1-10

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely?But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
"God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble."

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

Again, our heart cannot “serve two masters.” It’s a question of Lordship. If Bobby Sue claims “Jesus is the Lord of my life,” but continues to hook-up with guys in her lust or insecurities, then Bobby Sue is double-minded. James points out that remedy for double-mindedness is submission to God. If we have double-mindedness, we may think this sounds easy, until it comes time to make a decision that feels scary or is flat out not what we want. But see, we can’t choose Jesus and also choose Self. We can’t choose Jesus and also choose Fear. So submission to God means always choosing him, what he wants for us, no matter how we might feel about it. We may be mad or scared, but at least we’ve put a stake in the ground and that’s faith in action - a step, a beginning. Eventually, our emotions will adjust.

At it’s core, one who has double-mindedness lacks conviction, and will change beliefs or loyalties with the tides. Double-mindedness causes us to live in dishonesty, even with ourselves as we will use whatever combination of truth and lies necessary to benefit ourselves. Double-mindedness convinces us to live under pretense, claiming to know Jesus, but really doing whatever the heck we want. This mindset is one of hypocrisy and rebellion. Yikes!

I mentioned that a part of my story was that I was flakey, or unreliable. I believe this was absolutely a double-minded spirit. Wavering on commitments was just how I lived. I honestly didn’t think anyone would notice or care, I was so focused on Self. But Jesus said, Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. Matthew 5:37

I also let indecisiveness and doubt reign over boldness and discernment. I remember a particular shopping trip with my mom, my aunt and my cousin in which I stood paralyzed in indecision over whether or not to let my mom buy me a cool lamp with a scratch on it. It was marked down, the scratch wasn’t noticeable and yet my head was filled with insecurity over what my cousin and aunt thought and what others would think. I literally had no idea if “it was ok or not” to have a great lamp with a small scratch. You would have thought I was standing at the alter about to say “I do” to the lamp. Good grief!

Duplicity

While double-mindedness and duplicity probably often work together, they are not the same. Duplicity is “to speak or act in two different ways concerning the same matter with the intent to deceive.” Duplicity is willful deceit, misleading others in effort to hide one’s true intentions, manipulating and controlling information or other’s perspectives.

I think it’s interesting that Webster’s names duplicity’s antonym “straightforwardness.” Isn’t that kind of creepy? I don’t think I want to be the opposite of straightforward.

What does God say about duplicity?

The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity. Proverbs 11:33

To have duplicity is to be unfaithful, and it will destroy us.

Jesus dealt with duplicity:

Luke 20:20-26

Keeping a close watch on him, they sent spies, who pretended to be honest. They hoped to catch Jesus in something he said so that they might hand him over to the power and authority of the governor. So the spies questioned him: "Teacher, we know that you speak and teach what is right, and that you do not show partiality but teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. Is it right for us to pay taxes to Caesar or not?"

He saw through their duplicity and said to them, "Show me a denarius. Whose portrait and inscription are on it?"

"Caesar's," they replied. He said to them, "Then give to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's.” They were unable to trap him in what he had said there in public. And astonished by his answer, they became silent.

Jesus is one bad mamma-jamma. I love how He “saw through the duplicity,” like a smoke screen and didn’t fall for it. And then He drops a Jedi-mind trick question that shuts them up. I believe through the Holy Spirit, I could do the same. C’mon!

In conclusion, double-mindedness and duplicity = bad.

Submission, Humility and Truth = good! When you are tempted to take matters into your hands, remember this promise from God: Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

He has kept this promise to me over and over again, and he will come through for you, too. Amen!

Yo!

2011-02-08T06:46:00.006-05:00

It's been a long time. I shouldn't 've left you

without a dope beat to step to...

step to, step to... (wikki wikki wikki)

step to, step to...

Perhaps you're wondering what I've been up to these days. Well, for one thing, I've been focused on teaching my children important cultural family traditions like this one:

Vote for Aunt Karen!

2009-08-21T21:00:00.003-05:00

i actually don't have an aunt karen. this is a shout out for our mice expert, d-val. please click here, and follow these instructions:

"Choose the image on the top left (girl on tricycle) called "Aunt Karen". (It is my aunt)." - d-val

all the photos are awesome, but d-val's really is the best. the giraffe lady is a close second... or the people in the vw bug. anyway, vote for dval today! thanks!

a onesie is worth a thousand words...

2009-08-08T14:30:00.000-05:00

2 weeks old.

6 weeks old

10 weeks old

13 weeks old

14 weeks old

baby food

2009-07-14T18:27:00.001-05:00

great article about my world...

"Brothers" in 3 Acts

2009-06-25T16:20:00.003-05:00

happy father's day!

2009-06-21T11:04:00.000-05:00

russells love the kitchen

2009-06-12T06:43:00.006-05:00

1. dave little is an absolute genius.

2. i say, music mae has found her niche.

3. chef-o is freaking awesome.

4. my kids love "The Kitchen."

5. get the cd and the dvd FREE here.

(6. each episode is about as long as a typical breastfeeding session. thank you, God.)

1. dave little is a genius.

2. i say, music mae has found her niche.

3. chef-o is freaking awesome.

4. my kids love "The Kitchen."

5. get the cd and dvd FREE here.

(6. each episode is about as long as a typical breastfeeding session. thank you, God.)

mice

2009-06-02T10:12:00.010-05:00

"mice are like superheroes. they can do anything." - d. kramer

mice are becoming quite fashionable on our block. we don't have any currently, but i sought out the expert advice of mouse-hunter david valentine just in case. it's worth sharing...

Mice. Oh mice.
I have some personal theories on mice.

As you know, we also dealt with rats. Rats are different in that 1), they’re frickin scary, 2) bigger, but 3) they don’t live IN your house. They just come in to get food and then leave (they especially enjoy organic salty snacks from Trader Joe’s).

We did call pest control (scherzinger, I think) about rats and I am assuming their policy on mice is similar, though I don’t know that for sure. Basically they set traps and come and monitor them once a week (which is not much, by the bye), and they make no guarantee that the problem won’t come back (which obviously would be a hard thing to guarantee).

Mice, on the other hand, live in your house. (In fact, most houses probably have mice in them. They can live in your attic and eat seeds from plants, for the most part, they are harmless. They are NOT harmless when they hide in your bathroom when your wife is trying to pee and then proceed to scare her to death by darting around the room. I repeat, not harmless).

Here is my theory, if you see mice, or droppings, you have a family of mice hanging out. I don’t believe you have hundreds of them, like roaches, but just probably like 5 or 6. Personally, I have no problem killing them. If you do have a problem with that, I’m the wrong person to talk to.

I have found the Victor clip trap (see attached link, you can also buy these at the Sears in Newport) to be VERY effective. Here is the trick, put peanut butter WAY in the back of the inside of the clip. Mice CAN NOT resist peanut butter. Its like me with free beer. Put the trap against the wall where you have seen droppings and start checking for dead mice the next day (I’ve caught mice within the hour of setting the trap. See how that once a week thing isn’t a great deal?)

Pull the dead mouse out, drop it in the trash (this is pretty gross) and reset trap. Repeat until problem seems fixed. It won’t be solved forever, but it will kill the mice you have.

Do NOT buy the black TOMCAT clip trap (see attached). Though very similar in design, I have found this trap to be WAY LESS effective. Not sure why, but trust me, they don’t work as well.

I have also bought poison pellets. Not sure if that works. (I don’t like the idea of finding dead mice laying in odd places)

I have also bought high frequency noise deterrent devices. Again, I think this might help a little, but its not a solid fix. Victor Traps = solid fix. They are good.

One note, these mice are frickin tricky, so you have to check to make sure they haven’t gotten your peanut butter. Sometimes they do, but if its far enough back in the trap it gets them almost every time.

(also, for what its worth, a cat is also VERY effective, just saying).

Here is another mouse catching theory from the guy who designed the CR website:
how to catch a mouse...

Ok, good luck. Happy hunting.

USE THIS:
Victor Trap

NOT THIS:
Tomcat

zoo commercial!

2009-05-06T09:20:00.001-05:00

this is zak morgan...

we love zak morgan's music. last spring we were all out zak morgan groupies. he played a free show at our local library...

mac introduced himself before the show and asked a lot of questions: "are you really zak morgan?" he was even invited up "on stage" (on carpet). mac and bode were pretty shocked that zak morgan was just a plain old dude.

he also played a free show at the zoo...

and like good groupies, we were there...

participating...

fast forward to yesterday morning, 5 am. i'm half-awake, feeding chaney by the light of the tv screen and on comes a zoo baby commercial. "zoo babies are here... come see them... and this weekend, come see zak morgan..." and THERE THEY ARE -- davidrussell and bode at last year's zak morgan show. specifically the back of their heads and partially david's ear. of course, i'm like "what the...? how'd they...?" better judgement told me to wait until davidrussell wakes before telling him. anyway, i know you have a life and all, but if the zoo baby commercial comes on, watch it.

also, consider seeing zak morgan at the zoo this weekend. he's very talented, and not weird. your kids will love him.

introducing...

2009-04-24T08:31:00.002-05:00

Chaney Rae Russell

8 lbs., 3 oz.

21 inches

born tuesday, 4/21 at 5:28 pm

enjoys scrabble, horseback riding and long walks in the park...

induction antics

2009-04-21T07:32:00.004-05:00

i'm not promising a play-by-play of this deal, but so far so good!

"thanks, dr. lea, for breaking my water."

"new lip gloss, no kids, let's party! bring on the ice chips!"

39 weeks: a memoir

2009-04-20T14:32:00.022-05:00

tomorrow i'm off to have a baby. i haven't had a baby in almost 4 years and i've been surprised at how much i don't remember re: my other 2 pregnancies. i really want to remember what this has been like.

1st trimester: it seems like only yesterday i felt like complete and total crap. one day i was fine. the next day, my girls hurt. the day after that i was totally exhausted and felt i would vomit at any moment. the only thing that eased the nausea was to eat. if i felt full, i felt better. this would explain how i gained 12 lbs. the first 4 months. that's ok, i'll lose it. it's good to be responsible, but being ultra worried about weight gain during pregnancy is a real joy-robber. the weight stuff is definitely my least favorite part of it. not during pregnancy, but post-partum. the several months that follow birth really suck. i can go so far as to say, i hate the post-partum phase. hate it. the squishy, flabby, jabba-the-hut months that follow birth... ugh. and i've learned that you just have to be patient with it. you can't just start eating salad and running 5Ks the day after the baby comes, especially if you're breastfeeding. and you can't beat yourself up for eating what sounds good while your pregnant. so the answer is you just love yourself, receive your body and the miracle taking place and you get over yourself. this time, i've felt much free-er in this area... at least so far. talk to my flabby self in 6 weeks... no, it'll be good. pretty soon i'll be sweatin' to the oldies and goodbye jabba! (trying to stay positive...) anyway, i don't think anyone can really understand what a first trimester can feel like unless you go through it. and some women are blessed with mild symptoms. others' never go away. mine was pretty textbook. glad to have experienced it; glad it's over.

2nd trimester: heavenly. it was like clockwork. one day i woke up and felt great. i nested. i painted rooms i wanted to paint. i decorated the nursery. i was excited and energetic to execute Christmas. i went to parties, lunch with friends. heck, i even showered.

3rd trimester: things got really interesting. it's been during this time that i've felt the fullness of being older and pregnant. aches and pains, lots of groaning. my dad and i complaining to each other of the same ailments. this trimester has been a glimpse into what old people must feel like. in the past, i can definitely remember feeling tired and struggling to catch my breath. but this time i've had numb hips, leg cramps that made me cry, and varicosity. ah, varicosity. i had never heard of it. i simply thought my "greater cincinnati area" was ripping apart. nope just varicose veins in unsightly places.

i've also had an overwhelming feeling of joy in this trimester. no matter how uncomfortable i've been, i've just felt delighted and wanted to remember what it's like to be in this state. every time i sit down, i feel like a big whoopie cushion, even if nothing actually comes out. and i love it. it's strange.

attention: i guess i forgot how much people feel entitled to say whatever they want to you when you're pregnant. i've really had to come to terms with my love/hate relationship with attention. i've heard it all this time, but the most memorable are questions about twins and even triplets. when people ask about my due date, i say "august" or something like that. but i smile.

to really bring attention to myself, i put on a maternity bathing suit for the first time. and i did it at 38 weeks, lily white, and roamed an indoor water park for 2 days. we took the boys to Great Wolf Lodge for a little spring break getaway and last hurrah as a family of 4. davidrussell says our experience in itself is worth a post, but i'm probably not going to get to that. if you really want to know my thoughts, feelings and emotions re: great wolf lodge, just holler. anyway, the point here is this -

i did it. and even photographed it. attention highlights include a man with a beer gut that came over to me and asked me when i was due and if i was having twins. immediately, after that a woman came over to me and said, "you should have asked him when he was due."

cravings: all my pregnancies have required lots of carbs and gravy. some specific cravings in the past have included taco bell, eggs and watermelon. i remember "needing" a lot of chocolate milk with my first until one day i drank it with pizza. i threw up the chocolate milk and the pizza and that was the end of that. this pregnancy has brought some healthier cravings. i actually craved salad, but it had to be with iceberg lettuce and ranch. specifically, i wanted salads from chain restaurants like applebee's or outback. i tried to recreate such salads at home, but it wasn't the same. i've craved fresh fruit -- specifically, strawberries, nectarines, pomegranate and pineapple. oooh, the pineapple. in the early months, it was all i wanted. davidrussell would buy one and then it would go bad b/c i didn't feel like cutting it up. so he fell into this routine of every 3 days or so buying a pineapple and immediately cutting it up. it was the first thing he'd do when he came home. yes, he is that sweet.

let's see, what else... smoothies -- oh, mama, smoothies. yum. also, lots and lots of eggs.

foods i reject: grilled chicken, grilled anything, and mushrooms. ugh. oh and onions. i found out about onions when i took a big bite of bruschetta with red onion. i wanted to spit it out. i ended up having to rinse with baking soda to get the taste out. awful.

tomorrow: i'm being induced at 7 am. my history is i have big babies so i'm induced on or before my due date. mac was a week past his due date and was over 10 lbs. i've never really experienced "going into labor" in the romantic sense. for me, having babies is like checking into a hotel. i like this, it's like a blessing or labor favor. i've never really felt deep, horrific labor pain or felt my water break. i did, however, have an excruciating bough movement 2 days after mac was born and i saw my mucus plug for the first time 2 weeks ago, but that's all i got. i know some of you like to give birth in bathtubs and listen to whales and stuff and that's totally ok.

i look forward to eating lots of popsicles. i'm well-prepared. i got a pink pedicure and my "hair did." mary even hung out with me while i sat with color on my hair. krissy works down the street from my salon so she popped in too.

does it get more girlie girl fun than this? and speaking of friends, mine have just been loving my butt off. meeting me for lunch, bringing me meals, throwing me pink parties, giving me pinkie pink gifts and lots of other stuff i can't think of right now. it's good to be loved.

so back to preparation, i also have a new lip gloss. i discovered the importance of a new lip gloss when i was in labor with bode. my mom gave me a new juicy tube and i kept it handy b/c my lips were dry. but it became a fun little treat as i waited for my cervix to dilate. "oh? time for a catheter? let me re-apply." so yet again, mom got her lancome free gift and handed me the juicy tube. yes! perfect shade for florescent lighting and pitocin.

that's about it for me. at this moment, i'm a bit emotional. downstairs i can hear davidrussell playing "get some" with the boys and i'm tearing up. i have really loved being a mom of boys. my boys are sweet, gentle, loving and super fun. and there's something special about being the only girl. i'm always princess leia, batgirl, pirate wench, whatever. it's sweet. i know, i know -- having this girl is going to be awesome, way awesome. and i'm so excited to meet her. but it will be different and so life as a family of 4 and life as a mother of boys ends tonight. it has been a beautiful, blessful chapter.

an honor

2009-04-19T10:48:00.006-05:00

steven, a pal o' mine, has many talents. one of my favorites (and perhaps one of the most useless) is his supernatural ability to spot celebrities that look like other celebrities. i shared my opinion re: joan rivers' disturbing facial evolution and stumbled into the esteemed honor of "guest poster."

check out "Same Thing" !

in college, angie used to be pretty good at discovering human/puppet look-a-likes. she's responsible for identifying mike temple as a gefling. i don't have a photo of mike temple and only about 3 of you even remember who that is. but for those 3, here's a gefling...

attention clean house fans!

2009-04-17T08:31:00.006-05:00

have you heard? "the messiest house in america" lives in cincinnati. and the style network's show, clean house, is in town to clean it up. read this! the yard sale is tomorrow in westwood! here are details!

as a recovered hoarder, of course i love this show. and i am a fan of this niecy nash lady. i am seriously thinking of going. but i can't go alone... in my state, i'll need a babysitter. maybe erin will take me...

it's getting crazy around here

2009-04-04T10:27:00.004-05:00

you know how when something big is about to happen, like say for example... you're about to have a baby, and your plan is for things to calm down, chill out so that you can just focus on the big event? while you may be laughing, i do believe that short seasons of calm can actually happen. however, it's not guaranteed. my plan has been to descend into that couple of weeks with ease, but the plan has been foiled. there's lots of turbulence.
for one, 3 out of 4 of us have been sick for weeks. mac had an awful respiratory bug that lasted about 10 days and i picked that up from him. then, bode got a stomach bug... i got that, too. so i've been down for the count for the last couple of weeks. sometimes i've been able to function, other times i've just been in bed (or on or around the toilet...). i know, i know. poor me.
i'm feeling much better and have actually slept the last few nights. but this morning bode awoke with the awful cough that mac and i had. so it looks like we're not out of the woods yet. davidrussell has iron immunity so we're hopeful there.

it gets better. i'm currently blogging on dr's computer as mine went into a coma this morning. i'm headed to the apple store this afternoon, praying my computer hasn't crashed. so i don't know when you'll hear from me again. i'm bummed b/c i had planned to say much more to you before i had the baby. i'll still try.

while we may not be floating in calm like i had planned, it's still easy to stay focused on what (and who) is coming. it's just not a "well-rested" focus. but that's ok.

fish fry season

2009-03-17T13:28:00.002-05:00

thank you, catholicism, for bringing the tradition of fish fries into lent.

i was raised catholic until i was 7. it was during this time i learned lent meant you don't eat meat on fridays. instead, you go to fish fries where you see all your family and your dad drinks beer while you get to spend nickels on the cake wheel.

when i was 7, my dad married my stepmom and we became southern baptist. then i learned no one is supposed to drink beer or spend money on any kind of wheel, and lent was the time to start shopping for your easter dress... and shoes and purse if you were a teenage girl.

but oh the days of the fish fries. right smack dab in the middle of my neighborhood sat St. Luke church. all my catholic friends attended school there and most of my aunts and uncles attended church there. my dad and i would walk to St. Luke's on friday nights and hang out for hours. my uncles were frying the fish, my aunts were serving it and all my little friends and cousins were bussing the cafeteria tables. and oooh the fish. a big slab of fried cod on rye bread, a smearing of tartar, french fries floating in a lake of ketchup... mac and cheese, slaw, catholic green beans. "catholic green beans" are a mystery to me. i don't know how they are made, but at every fish fry or catholic church picnic i've ever attended, the green beans always taste the same. they're oniony and slightly sweet. delicious, unique and consistent. is it some kind of secret recipe? i don't know.

one friday night every lent season, we would break the routine and head down preston hwy. to Guardian Angels for the best "fish fry" fish in louisville. crunchy, a little peppery -- heavenly fish. and they serve freakin' good brats, too. i think one year i had to go there twice b/c my dad went and then my mom came to pick me up for the weekend and she wanted some Guardian Angels fish, too. crazy.

i still love fish fries. these days when i go, i usually just get carry-out. but i love standing in line, giving my order to a couple of 12 year olds, watching moms and dads cook and serve the meals. the cafeteria is full of community in action -- everyone committing to be apart of something important for them and having so much fun in the process.

since we've moved up here, i've searched for an awesome fish fry and the results have been so-so. i don't recommend St. Thomas in fort thomas. not good at all. however, Mary Queen of Heaven in erlanger is delicious. they have quite a set up over there and it's always packed. they even claim to be home of the "codfather." if anyone knows of any other good ones around here, i'm all ears. i still haven't made it to the west side.

my mom is coming in town this friday. i asked her to swing by Guardian Angels on her way and bring me some fish and brats. i can't wait.

i wish crossroads did a fish fry. i would be in charge of the cake wheel.

have you been waiting?

2009-03-10T11:12:00.000-05:00

have you been waiting patiently, or maybe impatiently, for something? do you have a longing in your heart? a longing for a pain to be over, a broken heart to heal, a dream to come true? have you been sensing the next chapter of your life is on the horizon, but it feels like it's taking forever to get here? have you asked, "God, where are you?"

God knows about this waiting and he is coming. whatever you've been going through or longing for, it is not for waste. the Lord is giving you a new song. a new message, a new testimony, a new piece to your journey, a new part to your story -- something you will be excited to share. when it crystalizes and clicks for you, it will be so good, it might feel like more than you can bare. many will see your joy, your change, your song... and they will see the Lord.

have you waited before and when it was over, you said, "that was worth the wait! thanks, God!"? well, that's the pattern, the promise of what is to come. the Lord is not done with you. your Dad is coming for you, to give you the desires of your heart, to heal you and give you good and perfect gifts. and i don't mean like "someday" or "when we all get to heaven..." i mean, like soon. your job is to believe it and sing. so do you? will you?

Psalm 40
1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD...

16 But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation always say,
"The LORD be exalted!"

Here I am, I have come. It is written about me in the scrolls. I will wait, God, and I will sing.

goodbye hill family

2009-03-09T08:49:00.001-05:00

did you know one of the funniest shows in television is in its final season? yes, king of the hill has finally been cancelled after 12 years of hill family funniness. what do you mean you never watch this show? it is hilarious. do you watch The Office? the same guy, greg daniels, is responsible for both shows. and don't you love tom petty? if you think his music is good, you should check out his animated acting skills.

anyway, i love this show. of all the tv dads i've ever seen, the one most like my own dad is hank hill... sort of.

this scene is one of my favorites -

so long, hill family! good run.

fire safety

2009-03-02T11:07:00.005-05:00

i love fire. i love making fire, sitting around fire, cooking over fire, feeding fire... did i tell you what i got for christmas? fire. yep, our once dark and desolate fireplace now boasts a toasty, homey gas fire with the push of a button. not wood-burning, but that's ok. some fire is better than no fire.

as soon as the weather breaks, we'll be in the backyard almost nightly with our fire pit, roasting marshmallows and watching teenagers roam the alley. after the baby comes, there will be beer and fire.

but my love for my fire is not unconditional as i recently discovered when we had the fire department over for a visit. i do not love fire when fire shows up uninvited. (some would argue that cooking a pound of bacon on a sideless cookie sheet and allowing the grease to just sort of drip is, indeed, an invitation to fire but that's neither here nor there.)

it was a weeknight like any other. frozen pizza night. (yes, i do sometimes cook.) the oven was preheating, the boys were in the basement. it was about 6 pm. 99% of the time, davidrussell is home at 6 pm, but tonight of all nights, hadn't even left work yet. i noticed the oven was starting to smoke a little. i turned on the stove fan and opened the back door. i started fanning the smoke alarm as a precaution (don't tell me i'm the only cook that occasionally has to wave a towel at the smoke alarm) and called dr.

"hello?"

"hi. are you on your way?"

"i'm packing up now." MERMP! MERMP! (enter smoke alarm)

"ok. i gotta go."

i wave harder. the smoke alarm stops. but i notice the oven is looking a bit chimney-ish. i look in the oven window and see flames. i'm thinking "ok. that's fire. hmm." then the boys come up from the basement.

"mommy, when's dinner? wow, it's smokey."

"boys, put your shoes on and go on the porch."

pause: this part is important. we always think we know what we would do if a situation arose, but then when we're actually in it, we don't always do what we thought we would. i should have immediately called 911, but just an ounce of self-doubt will talk you out of a sound decision every time. i was thinking, "well does this count as a real fire? it's only in my oven." i've known many people that hesitated to call 911 b/c it seemed "dramatic" or "silly." i even wondered for a second if it cost money... crazy.

ok, so i call davidrussell.

"hello."

"the oven is on fire. what should i do?"

"ok. look in the cabinet... there's a fire extinguisher. you'll have to read the directions or look at..."

"i don't have time for this." click. i dialed 911.

i grabbed the boys' coats and go on the porch. "put your coats on and go to mr. drew's house. tell mr. drew the oven is on fire." they go. and i decide i'd like my shoes. so i run upstairs and grab my sneakers. while i'm upstairs, i hear my neighbor, drew, downstairs calling "kelly? are you ok?"

"yes. my oven is on fire."

"ok. i'll get my fire extinguisher." in the distance we hear sirens. i come downstairs.

"ok, thanks." i'm sort of giggling at this point b/c me and my neighbors love action on our street. i knew they would be peeking out and i'd be like "it's me, gang. i called 'em."

so i'm standing on my porch and drew comes running back with his extinguisher. with him is sweet newlywed neil, another neighbor, with his fire extinguisher. neil says, "david called me." i say, "ah, that was sweet." now the trucks are coming down the street. i ask neil and drew, "can you even use fire extinguishers on a grease fire?" and as the 3 of us contemplate this on my porch, 3 fire trucks, the fire chief's pick-up, 3 police cars and 2 ambulances gather on my block. drew checks my oven and discovers the fire has burned itself out. the fire chief is on my porch, "is it out?"

"yes. thanks for coming."

"no problem. we'll do a walk-through, check things out and set up some fans to get rid of this smoke."

"thank you."

all of the above took place in about 5 minutes.

now, i'll mention this was one of those days when i went to the gym that morning and never had a chance to shower and change. so here's me with the "pregnant stale gym" look at 6 pm, and as it turns out, all fire-fighters are hot. and apparently, it doesn't matter if they are 25 or 55, they're just hot. i'm just sayin'... can a girl be prepared to receive guests? put on some mascara or something?

drew and neil stood on the sidewalk with me while the fire-fighters went through my house. sweet Iraeli neighbor, miri, comes out on her porch and calls to me in her adorable accent, "Kelleee, are you ok? don't worry, i deed the same theeng. thees ees why i don't cook french fries."

the fans are super industrial and super loud. the boys were in drew's house with his wife, anita, staying warm. later i heard mac came out and asked the fire-fighters, "is my mommy ok?" they were all very professional and kind. as they were leaving, we stopped one and asked about fire extinguishers and grease fires. as it turned out, neither mine nor neil's would have been safe to use and drew's was so old, it didn't even words on it.

the trucks left, the "smoke cleared" and i went to drew and anita's house to get the boys. we talked for a bit and then here comes davidrussell. he missed the whole thing. we did all get some birthday cake out of it as it was drew's 30th birthday.

i could sit in embarrassment over my lackadaisical approach to grease in my oven, but i'm not. on the contrary, i feel pretty excited about what happened. it was a learning opportunity for me, my boys and even my neighbors. we were able to see how we handle emergencies and talk about what to do. and i actually did a few things right as i'll be happy to point out below.

To Put Out a Cooking Fire in Your Kitchen (from firesafety.gov):

Call the 911 immediately.
Slide a pan lid over flames to smother a grease or oil fire, then turn off the heat and leave the lid in place until the pan cools. Never carry the pan outside.
Extinguish other food fires with baking soda. Never use water or flour on cooking fires.
Keep the oven door shut and turn off the heat to smother an oven or broiler fire.
Keep a fire extinguisher in the kitchen. Make sure you have the right type and training. For kitchens, you need Class K.
Keep a working smoke alarm in your home and test in monthly.

ok, so all in all, i wasn't a complete idiot. i called 911 semi-immediately. when i saw smoke in the oven, i opened it a couple of times to see if there was fire. i think that might have actually helped fire along. but once i saw flames, i did not open it and i turned off the oven. i didn't bother with the fire extinguisher b/c i didn't feel confident about it and i really felt like it was a bad idea to open the oven door (Spirit thing, for sure).

some other takeaways:

1. get a cookie sheet with sides (i did).

2. say "no" to self-doubt, especially in emergencies.

3. never hesitate to call 911. no matter how silly you think it might seem.

4. if you have Christ, his spirit lives in you. Flesh would have you panic or doubt yourself, but the Spirit will make good decisions. you don't have to have some big conversation inside about what to do. live in the Spirit.

5. keep making bacon wraps.

sing it! "be cool about fiiir-ya safety..."

our new pets

2009-02-27T20:47:00.002-05:00

i'm so excited. i've been wanting to do this for months and today - FINALLY! we got our worms! look at them. aren't they sweet and cute and gross?

back story: i've been attempting to grow tomatoes over the last few summers. while i have actually eaten some of my very own tomatoes, overall the results have been disappointing. but rather than killing my desire to grow vegetables, it has made it stronger! this past summer i created container gardens on my back porch.

why am i doing this?

a. homegrown tomatoes are so tasty and if you're growing them yourself, they're also very cheap.

b. i'm the only one in my family that eats certain vegetables so why not just grow them instead of spending money on them and having them go bad.

c. getting the kids involved with growing veggies they like (red and orange peppers) is a great learning experience.

why on my back porch?

a. with 2 boys, i just can't sacrifice any more space in my already small backyard for gardening.

b. the dog isn't pooping on them.

c. raccoons, stray cats and strangers in the alley are less likely to mess with them.

this past summer, i had chives, cucumbers, orange and yellow peppers, and tomatoes... or at least those are the plants i bought at lowe's. my actual crop was less than desired. by mid-summer, the boys were learning "all that hard work i put in with mom was useless and let's just go to kroger." i called my dad, a vegetable-grower and farm boy. his diagnosis was bad soil. ack! bad soil?! is that like bad blood or bad karma? it sounded so final, like some judge had just dropped the gavel - Bad Soil was my conviction. SHE'S GUILTY! you can't make a whole lot of excuses for bad soil in a container garden. however, we do have a problem with cats using flower pots as litter boxes. gross - an excuse with little dignity.

so anyway, my dad suggested i simply use miracle grow. "well, i don't know, dad. isn't that kind of chemically?" i don't have deep convictions about organic living (yet), however, i did have this picture of pouring miracle-gro vinaigrette over my salad. if i'm going to do this, why not learn how to do it naturally? so i decided summer garden '08 was what it was and i'd try something different in '09.

enter worms. back when i was in 1st trimester sickland and on the couch 24/7, i discovered a lot of "new" tv. i was watching the bonnie hunt show and learned about indoor composting, or "worm bins." i knew this was my answer! you just throw these guys in with some paper and rotten food and come spring, you've got yummy rich compost for your garden. sweet. i decided i would do this some time between i-feel-awful and baby-is-coming-any-day.

so today we got our pet worms and made our worm bin. it was fun, easy and definitely something the whole family enjoyed. the boys wanted to name the worms. while we didn't name all 100 of them, we decorated our bin with the names we picked.

here's mac holding "max," "diggy," "wiggly," "dirty" and "slimy."

bode with "bode."

be nice to your new friends. don't eat them.

instead, love them...

the truth is 3 years ago, i would have been content with a single tomato plant and an annual camping trip. but lately i've been dreaming of big compost piles and acres and gardens and sometimes even chickens. sending my kids out to play and not seeing them for hours as they are playing fort in the woods or wading in the creek somewhere on our land. i don't know what the future holds, but at least i know my chances are good for some soil redemption in '09. the next big step will be the harvest. hopefully this works...

want to make your own worm bin? here's some info:

1. read this post from the germinatrix and do what she says.

2. i got my worms at Petsmart. they sell them as "food" and keep them in the back so you have to ask for them. a container of about 50 sells for $4.25. the germinatrix recommends you get at least 200. you could probably get them cheaper at a bait shop, but i paid for convenience as i got my bins from target and went right next door to petsmart.

3. if you're in the cincy area, know this:

- while all petsmarts carry worms, the oakley store told me they're having trouble keeping them in stock b/c of indoor composting. so call before you go.

- i did try Whole Foods in Rookwood. they do not carry worms and didn't know what i was talking about. probably the san francisco whole foods carry worms, but not in cincinnati.

- there's a bait shop on Erie Ave. near Edwards called Delamere and Hopkins.

ok, who's ready to get their own wormy worms?

up with love!

2009-02-14T10:54:00.002-05:00

for valentine's day, i'm sending you an awesome love song.

(your iTunes is incomplete without this...) LOVE!!!

more wedding!

2009-02-07T08:00:00.001-05:00

finally... more about my wedding. i posted about this a few months ago, but at the time, i still didn't have my professional photos. i finally do and i'm excited to share them with you. check out the slide show to see them all. the one shown here is kind of fun as this is my "i'm a bride with a baby secret" photo. our plan was to tell everyone at the wedding dinner, but i told tine, the photographer, and asked her how we could capture it. this was her answer.
dora has also posted all about my wedding on her blog. check it out! it was amazing! it's really fun for me to re-live -- it was an incredible day full of love, fun and surprises. (and i especially enjoy the pics these days since i'm now weighing in at about 170. let's all look at me littler!) dr and i are so grateful to erin, the pattersons, the senffs, the valentines and the manuels for loving on us this in this extravagant way. lots of lessons in friendship and receiving...

and, while i'm on the subject, let me say a little more about dora and her blog. dora left a successful career 3 years ago to pursue her dream of becoming a wedding planner. and she did it! she's a superstar! it's only a matter of time before she has her own show on the style channel. anyway, you should visit her blog. really, you can't believe how interesting her wedding and event world is. not only can you read even more about me, but you can also read about how she pulled off a stunning wedding without a hitch during the Hurricane Ike Blackout, or all about the hot trend: wedding dress trashing.

of course, i had no prior experience as "a bride with a wedding coordinator" so i don't know if all coordinators are like this, but i would tell any bride-to-be "don't get married without dora." yes, she plans and coordinates her tail off and, yes, she's a fashion & style guru, but the best part is she is like a bride's personal love bug for the day. in the midst of pulling off the whole wedding, she still managed to constantly check on me. she told me what to do (i like being told what to do), where to be -- "sit here," "eat this cake," "get in this limo," "hold your flowers like this," "go dance," "come back," -- loved it. she kept up with all my stuff including my big orange bag, she lovingly asked me about my feet and then brought me flip-flops, and she had my car loaded and ready to go at the end of the evening. below is a cool photo of dora and i right before she sent me and my bridesmaids off in the limo. i felt like p. diddy.

well, that's all the wedding talk for now. but certainly not the last installment. i'm sure to talk about it much more. that's the beauty of having a your very own blog...

raising kids

2009-02-03T12:11:00.010-05:00

i recently had an email exchange with a sweetie pie friend o'mine about parenting. it seemed like it might be worth sharing, anonymously, of course. she's a great mom. we'll call her Penelope.

Some Background: Penelope and I have been discussing our six-year-olds, who tend to blurt out negative things about themselves. very generally speaking - at times, they begin to perceive their relationships are falling apart or look at life through a negative lens, in general. when i was a kid, i was like this, too. i was always told i was "too dramatic," but i know there was emotional pain and confusion tied to my statements so as an adult, i've sought to learn more about that. anyway, here it is...

Penelope: "As usual, I am at a loss for what to say to Sally these days. Don't know if it's the age, her sex, the combo of both or what but I often find that I have no idea how to respond to the things she says. I've tried the 'that's not true approach' you mentioned before (ie. speaking to the Enemy that makes her say untrue things.) I like this accept that I think she gets little from it and I find myself saying it like a broken record. ("That's not true, Sally. Sally, that's not true. Don't say that, it's not true.") Even I am getting tired of me.

Give me examples of the things she is saying, you demand. Well... I'll get back to you on that one. I can never think of an example of her behavior/statements just as I can never think of a response to them. She's so smart, clever, creative, emotional, hormonal, crazy and sweet. I want her to stay all those things and know how much I love her and all the good things I want for her. Raising kids is so hard!!!!"

Me: "aaaw, Penelope. i love it when you talk about your feelings and get all vulnerable with me. it's my favorite part of you:) if i were there, i would squeeze you and tell you how sweet you are:)

i admire you as a mom and as a grown-up. as for this sally thing - yes, i want examples. and i'll go ahead and offer some thoughts:

the fact that she is open with you is great b/c you can know the things she's hearing inside her head and what she's telling herself. you mentioned that you say "that's not true" so that tells me you're hearing her say some negative things about herself or her relationships. that's good. that's 50%. anytime we hear a lie from the enemy and we declare it "not true" is good. we're fighting. another way to battle the enemy, and in this case the other 50%, is telling her what is true. ok, what does that look like? well, it's your job and dad's job to know the truth about sally, i.e. how God created her. this is the part that takes some intentionality.

God teaches us about parenting through his relationship with us. He tells us who we are and how he feels about us. (i also attached a reference with more verses about this.) now whether or not we (grown-ups) are choosing to receive His love and truth is another story and another email. but children don't have that distrusting baggage toward their parents yet. and while they are God's children, he has called us to "Train them up..." it's our job to shepherd them, teach them, etc. and God is our model. so the more we understand God as our father (our parent), the more we can understand how to engage with our kids. apart of this includes unlearning some misconceptions of who our Heavenly Father is. often we apply our perception of our earthly father to the character of God. that's great if your dad was Atticus Finch or Bill Cosby. but many of us have had fathers who are flawed or even absent. the stuff you and i are discussing right now, i can assure you our dads never discussed. for example, for most of my life i believed that i should pray but God wasn't really going to do much about it b/c his will was bigger than me and his hands were tied. this stemmed from having an earthly father that didn't fight for me. my dad always approached things like "yeah, we're in this together. boy, we are in a pickle. what are we gonna do now?" so the concept of having a Father that fights for me and will smash anyone that messes with me was foreign. but now i know God will crush anyone that messes with me. (you probably want verses for that...i'll have to search a bit.) ok, so to bring this point home - i'm saying, study and seek to understand how God parents us and seek to shepherd your children in the same way.

now back to truth-telling. the Holy Spirit is also called the Spirit of Truth. He's there... hanging out with you in your kitchen, chillin'. He's waiting for you to say "what do you think of all this?" and He'll tell you. heck, he's also called Counselor. God tells us the truth - about everything including who we are. he does this through a number of ways: scripture, the Holy Spirit speaking to us and the Body of Christ. how does God speak to us through the Body? well, the Body is the Church. that's you and me. we both believe Jesus Christ is our savior and so we are the Body. so when a believer tells me something about myself that resonates with my spirit, i know the Lord just spoke to me about who i am and i choose to receive it. i write it down in my notebook under "Truth about Kelly - Who God says I am." here's an example - i had some bratty behavior and anger issues in high school. after an episode, i would feel so guilty and tell myself "you're such a bitch." a couple of times i said it aloud to some friends and they would say "yeah, you were acting like a bitch." somewhere along the line, i just started believing that's who i was and took on that persona. when i didn't know what to do or how to act in a situation, i'd just act like a bitch. in college, people called me a bitch all the time and that was my reputation. "don't mess with her, she is such a bitch." inside i felt guilty and ashamed. i wanted to be sweet and loving but i didn't know how. and i would think "that's not you anyway. you're not sweet. you're a bitch. those are the cards you were dealt." 2 years ago, i was with a group of friends and explaining that i'm still trying to learn how to appropriately interact with people, etc. my friend, krissy, (i wore her shoes in the wedding) said to me "kelly, what are you talking about? you have this lie that you are bitch and you are not." well, i was speechless. i just sat there, stunned. i started to push back, "well, i have problems with my tone and sometimes i speak harshly and..." she said it again, "kelly, you are not a bitch." i started to cry. it was obvious to everyone in the room that God's truth was being spoken to me and krissy was simply the vessel. i stopped arguing and received the truth about myself. i could feel a piece of me healing inside. so then another friend in the room prayed "God tell us who Kelly is." and everyone started telling me what they were hearing. one person said, "i just keep hearing the stevie wonder song "sunshine of my life." God says this is his song about you - you are the sunshine of his life. i received that, too -- wrote it in my cute little girlie journal.

now bringing this back to parenting - you and your husband, "Bob," are certainly a part of the Body and a very important part when it comes to sally. a big way she is going to receive the truth about who she is in Christ is through you two. there's no pressure here, it's just applying the stuff i've said above. so when you hear her say something that isn't true, understand that even if she can't articulate it, she is wondering "well, then what is true?" don't wait for her to ask you, just start telling her. and if you don't know, then you better start asking God. it's ok to not know, but it's not ok to stay in that place of not knowing. often right there on the spot, i'll just tell mac, "i'm going to pray for you." heck, half the time i don't even know what to pray but if i'm just quiet for a second, God will bring something to mind. i often think it doesn't matter what i've said, the act alone is what mac needed and he goes away happy. i think to myself, "well, i don't know what you just did God, but thanks." and it doesn't matter if there's something on the stove or a baby is crying. if another kid comes in you can say "i'm going to pray for sally. you can pray with me or be quiet."

how do i know who my kid is? this is the part where you turn to prayer, the Bible, ask God "who is this child?" He will tell you. and then you tell her. yes, you're going to have to make time for some quiet moments to pray for your kids. even if it's only 10 minutes per kid, sit down with a notebook. (get a cute new journal if that motivates you.) turn to a blank page and write at the top: God, please teach me about sally. Who is she? and then write down what you hear. if you hear bad stuff like "she's a brat" that's not God. probably, God will bring to mind moments you've witnessed where you've been very proud of her or loved her deeply or marveled at something she did. when moments like that happen, be aware - in tune b/c God is showing you "this is who sally is." also, He will bring words to mind or maybe pictures. heck, he might even give you an actual verse. if a verse pops into your head, write it down and look it up. ask bob to do it with you - you each agree to spend 10 minutes of quiet time on each kid separately and write down what you hear. then come together at the end of the day and share with the other what you heard and wrote down. don't be shocked if God tells you some of the same things. oh, and watch your kid's face light up when you say "Billy, I was asking God about you and he told me that you are a warrior. He says you have courage and you are like a lion." imagine how that would have felt if our parents did that for us?

so what if my kid does act like a brat all the time? did God knit together in my womb a brat? no. this is also a part of that "train up a child" thing. as flawed humans, we're drawn to act out on our fleshly desires. kids are literally doing what comes naturally (rather than spiritually.) we can seek to discover what is the root of the behavior rather than declare the child is the behavior. with my kids, mac is very loving, has a heart for justice and is discerning. he can't fathom why a kid would break a rule. to the point that it upsets him and offends him. if someone calls him a name, he plummets. he can't shake it off, can't understand why someone would be intentionally mean. his understanding of God's justice is something he was born with and we celebrate it. however, it can cause him to be judgemental and a big tattletail. he wants people to pay! who can we blame?! his debrief of a school day is simply telling me all the kids that got their name on the board. so rather than say mac is a judgemental, tattle tail, big mouth, we try to teach him that those behaviors are inappropriate and teach him about grace and forgiveness. bode, on the other hand, is drawn to satisfy his flesh. he wants to eat all the candy, play with his personal all day, more cookies, more TV, more more more! while mac can't stand to break the rules, bode will do whatever he has to do to get what he wants. he'll take the cookies in the bathroom very quietly and lock the door. very sneaky, very quiet. people like to joke "bode is the kid you'll have to bail out of jail," etc. we say, "nope. not true. bode is obedient and has self-control." we say it as a declaration of faith b/c we know God didn't create him to be a cookie thief. he just needs to be trained in self-control and obedience. we know he has a desire to make the right choice b/c whenever he breaks a rule, he does it in secret, i.e. shame. why is he hiding? he's ashamed, but he can't help it - he's gotta have the candy! all of it! it tastes so good! we talk to him about self-control, read verses about it with him and teach him how to ask God to give him self-control. all very calmly and lovingly. and, yes, there's much discipline in there, too. lately, i've begun to see some fruit of this! sometimes he'll come up to me out of nowhere and say "mommy! i didn't eat the cookies!" i know what he's telling me is "while you were upstairs, i was in the kitchen thinking about taking out the cookies and i didn't." so, of course, i celebrate that and say "good job! that's b/c you're obedient and you have self-control! that's who you are." anytime we are tempted and we say "no," we should celebrate the victory!

i know this is a lot, but i'm just sharing what we've learned over the years. none of this came through one particular book or person, but rather a lot of various teachings, resources and conversations. here's the thing most people don't like to hear. and also, this has been THEE BIGGEST lesson davidrussell and i have learned. here it is: when i see a behavior or a pattern in one of my children that is off, the first place i need to look is in the mirror. 75% of the healing that has happened in my spirit has been since i became a mother. there were broken places in me that i just couldn't run from or hide from any longer once i had kids. b/c the bottomline was the patterns i was seeing were patterns i knew all too well. heck, God even told us in Timothy that this would happen: "But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety." I Timothy 2:15"

well, readers, that's it so far. a big way that i learn is to talk stuff over with friends. heck, my kids are nuts. who's aren't? so i've shared some stuff i've learned. what have you learned? what are you wishing you could learn? please chime in with questions, comments, or if you'd just like to agree with Penelope that "raising kids is hard!!!" (but you have to admit... it's kind of fun.)

merry christmas!

2008-12-25T07:44:00.005-05:00

... and we're having a GIRL!

that was nice and dramatic, wasn't it. i really wasn't saving my girlie girl announcement til christmas, i just kept forgetting to post it. and that's b/c i wanted to post a picture of her as well, but my relationship with my new printer/scanner has gotten off to a rocky start. very rocky. so you may not get to see her in my womb. but trust me, her skeletal system is flat out adorable.

get ready to pink it out!

so it's early christmas morning. i'm the only up and not on purpose. i was awakened by my own coughing fit. has that ever happened to anyone? your sound asleep and then you start violently coughing your head off? what causes that? a shift in inter fluids or something? david valentine once told me that statically people swallow 7 spiders in their sleep a year or something. so i always think, oh gah! i'm choking on a spider!

but i'm sure it wasn't a spider this time b/c i have bronchitis. i'm on the mend, but it hasn't been fun. it's my 3rd pregnancy, after all, so every time i cough a little pee comes out.

ok, christmas day! i hope it's wonderful for you. drink something warm and yummy. eat some tasty treats. remember: you can't expect rational behavior from irrational people, so receive your relatives with love and forgiveness. and, have a christmas cocktail for me, pregnant lady.

speaking of christmas morning, here's an oldie, but goodie...

merry christmas! God bless you!

adventuous spirit

2008-12-22T14:29:00.007-05:00

i haven't known much about what advent exactly is. like a lot of things, i was over-thinking it.

advent is latin for "coming" or "arrival." it's a season of preparation. specifically it's a celebratory anticipation for those that believe Christ is the Son of God to celebrate his birth. in other words, "i can't wait to celebrate Jesus' birthday. i'm actually so excited to celebrate that day that i want and need to have small reflective celebrations to count down to the celebration." this attitude is also, i've decided, known as having an adventuous spirit. (yes, i made up a new word.)

i'd like to have an adventuous spirit. i can say - yes, i feel that way. but it's easy to become bogged down in thick "christmas season" traditions and "to do" lists. the countdown to Jesus' birth excites me, but the countdown to christmas can sometimes stress me out.

i love how my kids don't struggle with this. it's all anticipation, all excitement all the time. at this point they understand a lot more about "getting presents" than they do "God in a virgin womb," but still. i think what i might be saying is, as children, most of us have the foundation for an adventuous spirit. but as we get older, other crap can screw with that foundation. i don't know.

anyway, i didn't have a whole lot of exposure to advent as a kid. i've wanted to do something with my own family, but never really got a plan together. do i get calendar with little doors that open? a little house with candy compartments? do we participate in a full out activity everyday after dinner from nov. 30 - dec. 25? again... over-thinking. i shopped around and what's available is overwhelming (and a little disturbing). i mean, Lightening McQueen has his own advent calendar. even Legos makes an advent calendar. i came across this book and it's been perfect for us - it's called the Bible. you should read it. no, i'm kidding. not about reading the Bible, but about what i found.

it's called The Story of Christmas Story Book Set and Advent Calendar. it opens from the middle and on the inside contains 24 miniature books, each telling 3-ish paragraphs of the story. the little books are attached to a gold tie so once you've removed them, they can be hung on the tree. the book also includes the prophecies of Christ's birth from Isaiah and Micah as well as a map of the holy land. it's easily found it's way into our bedtime story routine and now whenever i hear "mommy, when is christmas gonna be here?!," i can say, go look at the advent book.

coming together at the end of the day and reading a "chapter" from "the story of christmas" has felt like a foundational re-set every evening. especially with little boys hearing much of the story for the first time. whatever the day was like, we're able to end it on a note of truth - truth we want to celebrate.

of course, lent is also a time of preparation. i came across this straight-forward explanation of the difference between advent and lent. i liked it so i'll share it:

There's a time to get ready by focusing on your own sinfulness and wrongdoing, a time for personal transformation and following Christ to the cross. That's Lent. There's a time to get ready by rejoicing that our God is not far away and unfamiliar with the struggles of human life, that Christ is here right now among his followers, that God has already begun to bring in the Kingdom, and that Christ will come again to make it clear who really runs the place. That's advent.

interestingly, celebrating advent has made me more excited to celebrate advent. hmm, something is happening...

let's get the advent party started! unless the rapture happens before then (i'm just sayin'), we'll advent it out next year fo' sho'. i'm open for ideas. so tell me, how do you and your family participate in the season of advent?

helpless

2008-12-18T11:53:00.003-05:00

today i feel helpless. this happened last night. i'm pointing you to the official crossroads statement, but it's all over the news. y'all know this is where dr is a pastor and i used to work there as well. the last 17 hours have been devastating and surreal to say the least.

i know God is a God of miracles, wonders and restoration. i've been reading this book, MegaShift by James Rutz, and it discusses how God's power and people are on the move. It documents tons of present day miracles that have happened all over the world including dozens of resurrections. i asked for this, begged for this, demanded for healing, restoration, resurrection... and yet, it did not happen.

i still believe God is bigger and my faith stands. but re: this event, i just don't understand.

i'm posting this for 2 reasons:

1. i'm asking that you pray however you feel lead for this situation and the people involved.

2. even though my emotions and thoughts are all over the place, i'm declaring that God is still the God of Israel and is awesome. He is still in the business of miracles.

here, watch this if you haven't seen if before. or even if you have. i'm only including the first of four parts. go to youtube to see the other 3 parts. look for "Raised from the Dead" Part 2, etc. i love how the wife says, "i reminded God of his promises." it's absolutely ok to do that.

weepy

2008-12-17T12:24:00.002-05:00

i'm weepy. extra weepy, i should say. i'm definitely someone who tends to tear up. i have learned that's entirely ok, but it's a pain if you have on make-up. when i worked at crossroads, i would tell new female hires "bring your make-up to work" b/c a God conversation or "heart conversation" could break out any minute and you find yourself sobbing before lunch. anyway, i first discovered i was extra weepy when i was driving down the road, minding my own business and "fancy" came on the radio. next thing i know, i'm totally crying. "here's your one chance, fancy. don't let me down." her momma's just trying to move her up town. dear god, what a story. this sort of weepiness is down right embarrassing. i'm in my car, i'm alone and yet i've got that feeling like i hope i'm not on a reality show right now.

commercials like this don't help at all:

come on! weep me out! i promise you there are women out there that watch this commercial and for a split second wish they could not hear.

ok so anyway, i'm weepy. it's easy to write it off as pregnant hormones and maybe physically that's some of what's going on. but i know that my physical, my spiritual -- all that is connected. so if my spirit is extra sensitive right now, i want to be open to that. being pregnant is definitely a constant state of vulnerability. people are constantly analyzing your body, your feelings ("how are you feeling?"), your general state of affairs ("are you ready for the baby?"). i don't mean in a critical way, i just mean that's the general topic of conversation. so if one isn't used to be analyzed all the time, it can feel vulnerable to say the least. i don't mind any of this. i'm just wondering about my weepiness. I Timothy 2:15 says "But women will be saved through childbearing - if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety." i mention that to point out that stuff can definitely happen in our spirit when we bear a child. so maybe something is happening in mine.

here's some weepy i don't mind: pregnant-at-christmas weepy. man, if you believe in the whole Jesus thing and your listening to someone read about little pregnant mary while you're feeling a little fist punching your blatter... well, all i can say is if that doesn't make you cry, you must lack tear ducts and a soul.

it is such a blessing to be nauseous, exhausted, fat and swollen as you reflect on the birth of Christ. i believe every word of the Bible, literally. but there's so much i just can't imagine. for example, i cannot imagine living in a boat for 40 days with 2 of every animal and my extended family. maybe one or the other, but not both. i cannot imagine being inside the belly of a fish. but i can, a little bit, put myself in mary's sandals and imagine my big pregnant arse on a camel hoping i don't go into labor until we reach our destination. ok, see... i'm doing it right now. weepy, weepy.

there's only one thing to do now...

(come on, you knew this was coming.)

mary's tortellini soup

2008-12-17T09:10:00.004-05:00

before i begin to talk about how delicious this soup is, i have a small caveat about the photo. i don't know if i'm really bad at food photography, or if this soup just isn't photogenic, or both. but this is a lack luster photo of a scrumptious soup. and yet, i feel so strongly about the value of recipe photos that i continue to leave this photo in the post. this is where your trust comes in. and now, the soup post...

i could eat soup everyday, especially this time of year. i love the idea of making a big pot of something hearty that can sit on the stove all day and should a weary traveler wonder through your door, you've got something to warm his bones. this soup is no exception. and it's hard to get your hands on any recipe of mary's, simply b/c she's like my grandma mac - an awesome cook that keeps her recipes in her head or written down on some yellowed Ben Franklin receipt under a stack of 1986 phone books. mary is a fine chef, so pay no mind to the scary photo. this soup is easy and delicious.

Mary's Tortellini Soup

1 pound italian sausage

1 can tomato sauce (16 oz.)

1 cup dry red wine

3 cans beef broth

2 teaspoons italian seasoning

2 cans diced tomatoes

1 onion

1 garlic clove, crushed

2 small zucchini

some carrots, sliced

1 tablespoon sugar

1 package cheese tortellini

Saute sausage in skillet. Add onion and garlic.

In a soup pot, mix all canned ingredients, all seasoning, red wine and broth. Add sausage mixture. Add all other ingredients, except tortellini. Simmer for 30 minutes. Add "raw" tortellini and let it cook in the soup mixture.

It's good with salad and ciabatta bread.

Note: I like to stretch out my soup so I doubled broth and wine. If you do this, you should also add a little more sugar and seasoning.

Also, you might be interested in knowing that 3 cans of broth = 1 32 oz. box of broth.

enjoy!

good morning, joy!

2008-12-01T08:26:00.003-05:00

yesterday morning, the boys woke up full of joy. i mean, they were covered in it. at first, i couldn't figure out what was going on. it all started when i woke mac for kids' club. he usually protests going for a few minutes before he surrenders to the plan. but yesterday morning, he popped right up. he was excited and speaking politely to both me and his dad.

next, i head into bode's room. typically, if things aren't going exactly as he would like, then he's mr. pissy about everything. he's mad about getting dressed, he's mad if mac comes in his room. he's just mad and cranky. well, yesterday, i slip in and say good morning. he says, good morning and expresses concern that his "babies" (rhino and cleveland browns dog) are not in his bed. mac enters, "good morning, bode." bode replies, "good morning, mac. have you seen my babies?" mac answers, "no, but would you like me to help you look for them?" bode says yes and mac clarifies, "ok, i will. but i have to get dressed first." (this was an act of staying focused on what i had asked him to do, rather than being distracted.)

so, i'm kind of in awe at this point.

now i'm expecting a fight with bode re: clothes, but he says, "mommy, i need to get dressed." i give him clothes and exit. he runs to the bathroom naked and meets mac in the hallway on the way back. "bode, you want me to help you look for your babies now?" bode has changed his mind. "no mac. will you come in my room? i have to get dressed." mac replies, "oh yes."

bode and mac proceed to bode's room, which is the size of a large walk-in closet. as bode shuts the door, i hear him welcoming mac, "this is my room and there's all kinds of wonderful things." mac says, "oh thank you. can i play with this?" "yes, mac, you can."

i'm in the hallway, "what the hell...?"

this goes on throughout the day. they talked about sharing over breakfast and laughed together. after service, i went to pick mac up first and he had made a sword out of poster board as a part of the lesson. i'm thinkin' oh great. he's going to swing it around bode, bode will have some lame picture and start whining for a sword. well, we proceed to the 3 year olds to pick up bode and mac is holding up his sword ready to chop bode when he comes out. but, behold! bode comes out with the poster board shield he made. the boys are both delighted with the other's weapon as it is a challenging, yet fair fight. i'm like - are you kidding me?

all day... well until about 5 pm or so. it was a post-thanksgiving miracle!

that morning, when mac first woke, he had even asked me about faith. what is it? what does it mean? he told me that God is all around and he's thankful for God.

into the morning, i found myself continuously trying to figure out what had brought this about. i could see right away that there was a great spirit of joy on mac and bode. and i know this is who they are. but what was the formula that got us to this morning of joyful obedience and treating each other with love and respect? was it the family time spent over the weekend? was it the way i discipline in love perfectly all of the time? (haha.) i kept asking davidrussell, what brought this as if it was some perfect batch of kids i had cooked up and i just needed to figure out how i or we did it so we could learn from that and do it more. well, how dumb. it took a while, but it did finally occur to me to just receive the gift.

these aren't my kids, i just get to care for them for a couple of decades. so who am i to think i conjured up this lovely morning with my parenting skills. and i understand i don't have to be a perfect parent to "earn" great kids. He is doing an awesome work in mac and bode. my job is to see it and tell them about it. so what i learned most is to say thanks and ask for more days like yesterday.

turkey cookies

2008-11-27T08:36:00.008-05:00

i love cooking for the holidays. all the thanksgiving-type food is my favorite to cook. but i'm not a big fan of the baking. however i came across this idea and thought the boys might enjoy making some turkey cookies. how hard can it be?

i'm not too experienced with "holiday baking" or icing dispensers or anything of the like. is that right, "icing dispensers?" i don't even know what those little tubes are called. anyway, it was something fun and different.

mac and bode took the photos for this post...

today is thanksgiving day! so a happy one to all of you out there. i'm thankful you read my blog.

ok, gotta go make sweet potatoes...

halloween '08

2008-11-19T12:41:00.016-05:00

when i was a kid, halloween was one night. a couple days before, my dad carved a pumpkin but that was it. on halloween night, we trick-or-treated all over the neighborhood and then it was done. nowadays it's become more like a "season" than a day. i've even heard folks talk about getting into the "halloween spirit." no thank you. however, it is fun with all the activities around town your family can attend. (of course, all of these said activities could have been happening when i was a kid and i just didn't know it. very possible.)

i do think halloween is tricky. it's not a holiday i'm interested in "swallowing whole." there's a lot of bizarre stuff that hides behind the mask of this "fun and harmless holiday." (oh, i just noticed i said halloween is "tricky." wow. i am hilarious.) stuff i'm not interested in inviting into my home or my kids' heads. like vampires, for example. i will not invite a vampire into my home. that's just basic 101, right? (ok, i'll stop. i really am being serious, but then i have jokes so what am i supposed to do?)

here's what i'm saying - i love pumpkin-carving, cute little decorations, and handing out candy in the neighborhood. we always have at least 400 kids and hanging out with our neighbors is always fun. there's a lot of fun stuff that goes with halloween. but there's also stuff that happens to get a lot of attention around the halloween season that isn't good, isn't harmless and shouldn't be entertained. if there's interest, i could talk more about this in another post, but i don't want to get too off track here. i'll cap this with saying halloween is certainly a time that requires some discernment and good judgement in how one participates.

ok, on to the fun!

hall-zoo-ween happens every weekend in october at the cincinnati zoo. we went when it was 85 degrees. so the boys went as surfers and were quite comfortable. those dressed like Chewbacca were not so happy.

next on our list was carving the pumpkins we brought home from huber's. auntie joined us for this event as well.

this year, the chief pumpkin carver broke out the power tools.

apprentice pumpkin carvers had their first taste of power tools.

mac started slow and went full-throttle. UP YERS, PUMPKIN!!

seed separators.

seed-separating shenanigans.

i was in charge of baking and eating the pumpkin seeds.

next in halloween events was creating mac's costume for his school's vocabulary parade. they don't have costume parties at his school. instead the students receive a homework assignment in which they must choose from a list of compound words and make a costume that reflects their choice. then they all put on their costumes and parade around the school, hence "vocabulary parade."

mac chose "jellyfish." (of course.)

finally, halloween night. are we the only ones that find the time slot 4-6 pm to be a chaotic comedy of errors. the city decrees trick-or-treating begins at 6 pm. it seems like as soon as 4 pm hits, we all loose our marbles and just run around yelling "get the candy, get the costumes, get the aaahh!!!" and the doorbell rings at 6 pm on the dot. we're all screaming "we're not ready!!" it's crazy. anyway, here's the costume photo taken probably around 6:15 pm while the doorbell was ringing.

behold, Indiana Jones and Luke Skywalker Jedi (as in "Return of the Jedi," the film in which Luke Skywalker has earned the title "Jedi." this is a big deal in our house and yes, there's a difference.)

while we participated in the halloween festivities, the pumpkins worked hard at their new roles: family jack o' lanterns. we find it works best if we all put in a request to the chief and then he carves.

bode requested "happy."

mommy requested polka dots.

mac requested "scary."

and superman wanted a superman jack o'lantern.

and that concludes halloween '08.

road trip to huber's farm

2008-11-19T09:10:00.011-05:00

huber's farm is the mother of all things pumpkin patch. it's right outside of louisville so i'd been there a few times as a kid and have such fond memories. i've been wanting to take us all there, but just never got it together. plus, doing something like this in a day used to be really tough for us with naps and tiny kids, etc. now the kids are old enough that a 2 hour road trip is an adventure and fun for all of us. i really hate crowds in my old age and knew the weekends would be packed. but mac ended up having some inservice days and davidrussell took the day off and it all just came together. on the eve of the road trip, i called up auntie erin:

me - "hey, i know this is a long shot but we're going to huber's tomorrow. do you want to come?"

erin - "what? tomorrow?! i have to work! we're so busy!" pause. "let me call my boss." click.

she called back like 15 minutes later - "what time are we leaving?"

i was so excited b/c the only thing i wanted to eat was gravy... gravy streaming over a variety of greasy foods. (some pregos are too sick to eat, i'm the opposite. eating is the only thing that brings relief. i mean, you could bottle up mashed potatoes and gravy and put it behind the counter at the pharmacy and i'd get a prescription and pay a co-pay for it. "does humana cover gravy?" "why, yes, it does." "thank you. what a country." ok, back to story.)

ok, let's see... oh yeah, huber's farm has a restaurant. a delicious, everything is homemade, just like grandma makes, restaurant.

we arrived just in time for lunch. every table starts out with deep-fried biscuits and homemade apple butter. david ordered the all-you-can-eat ham and fried chicken. erin picked up one of the huber's recipe books for sale in the lobby and read to us the recipes of what we were eating. i didn't take any pictures of this part. i guess i had a one-track mind.

after we were stuffed, we were off for some good 'ole fun on the farm. apple launching, corncob cannons, the cow train...

we took a wagon ride and fed the animals...

bode was a natural goat-feeder.

erin made a friend.

next, we were off to the pumpkin patch...

we could have stayed out here all day. it was beautiful.

mac the scarecrow.

everyone found the perfect pumpkin. auntie erin and bode picked some apples in the orchard, too!

right down the road from huber's farm is the winery. another super fun place.

the winery has a nice farmer's market and a lovely cafe. above the cafe is the wine loft where they offer free tastings. i could not partake, of course, but that's ok. i had gravy.

fall and the first trimester

2008-11-19T08:25:00.004-05:00

september was a blur. i don't remember much after the wedding, other than sleeping a lot and eating a lot of carbs. my due date is april 23, only a month earlier than bode's due date. so i was in my first trimester in the fall of '04 as well. i remember being at parky's farm, surrounded by a zillion little cookie monsters and fairies, thinking i was going to puke any minute. i gained weight quickly and, of course, my chest was larger, so i had 2 shirts i could wear and i wore them all through october. that next october, bode was 4 months old and my weight had come full circle so that those 2 shirts were the only ones, once again, that fit me. but every time i tried to put one of them on, i felt nauseous. not kidding. especially, the green one. just looking at it made me sick. i gave them to good will and got new shirts. isn't that crazy? i hope that doesn't happen to me again b/c i like my fall shirts.

so i've been pretty useless. davidrussell, on the other hand, is amazing. he's been practically flying solo for 2 months.

i'm feeling a lot better now - although i'm not sure i'm at 100%. i can't remember what that feels like. i also am wondering just how much of my energy used to come from caffeine. i know i love coffee entirely too much. (i mean, the kind with caffeine.) i've been drinking it for 20 years! i love having it first thing in the morning and how it gets me going. i love sharing some over good conversation. i love having a to-go cup in the car as i'm headed to some destination. and i know that caffeine gives me energy. and i have depended on that. i don't think that's good. so i'm considering staying off caffeine indefinitely. so then where will my morning energy come from? a glass of water? a healthy diet? God? i have no idea how people get moving in the morning without coffee. really. where does energy come from?

i'm certainly asking Him about all this and asking for energy. but i'm not sure i'll get any of these answers for another year, as i'll be in no-sleep-newborn land for a while. so the question will be - will i be able to hold out til baby is sleeping through the night and all things are equal? "all things through Christ," right? we'll see what He says.

a wedding!

2008-11-18T08:24:00.010-05:00

the update continues...

when we returned from vacation, it was time to prepare for a wedding - ours! davidrussell and i had a very very very small ceremony when we married 11 1/2 years ago. we were married on a saturday morning with david's parents present and david's bf from college, todd. after the ceremony, todd, david and i ate subway and then davidrussell and i drove to hilton head in a rented convertible. why hilton head? b/c at the time, david was a loan officer and he won a weekend getaway to hilton head over memorial day weekend. we saw an opportunity.

anyway, through a number of casual conversations over the past year, our friends discovered they all shared a dream to give us a big formal shindig. they pooled money, resources and brain power and made it happen. we were floored to say the least. it was an overwhelming lesson in receiving and love. a picture of God's love - He just wants us to receive all that he has for us. and there's no tit for tat. just. receive. from. God. stop trying to pay Him back. it's impossible, you'll never afford it and it's not what He's asking.

so august slipped into a blur, especially when i started feeling sick. 4 weeks to the day (i suspect) i conceived, my girls started hurting, i felt super tired and my relationship with food became strained. i was fitted for my dress 3 weeks before the wedding. 3 days before the wedding the alterations had to be completely re-done as i had "grown" 2 inches in my chest and 2 inches in my waist. we were keeping the pregnancy a secret until the wedding so only the ladies at david's bridal knew. i'm hoping the pictures come back soon. i'll share them and more when they come. here's some snapshot highlights...

zoolander, davidrussell, and mac

my dad walking me down the aisle. alli is pleased.

edible flower.

bridal luncheon.

pants-pooping photo. this is the part where i'd like to remind you i'm pregnant during this whole event so things like this were happening to me and i couldn't even drink!

this photo speaks volumes...

dora, where did you get that hot orange bag?

the surprises just kept coming.

What Do You Do Tip #47: You enter a room blind-folded, your favorite song is blaring and your blind fold is removed as you hear 100 people yell surprise! WHAT DO YOU DO? Answer: you receive it, which in this case looks a lot like dancing.

family vaca 2008 Second Stop: Destin, FL

2008-11-13T16:46:00.020-05:00

Second Stop - Destin, FL!

from henderson we drove to destin. no, not straight through. we usually stop in alabama on the way there and on the way back. yes, it takes a little longer to get there and costs a few hundred dollars more by the time you add up hotel and food both ways. but we feel like our kids' lives are worth an extra 300 dollars as we can't guarantee everyone would make it there alive if we drove straight through... for a number of reasons.

davidrussell and i agreed - this was by far the best family vacation we've ever been on. with kids, i mean. the boys are growing up and so we're not tied so much to a nap schedule and we can stay out later than 7 pm.

it seems like we learn so much about our kids on vacation. and there seems to be this growth dynamic that happens right before our eyes. this thing, "the vacation," seems to not only offer opportunities to grow, but also opportunities to illustrate how they have grown. it's a unique opportunity to see their strengths and weaknesses, their gifts, what they love. (and that applies to mom and dad, too.)

it's also funny to see how much they remember from the previous year. so b/c these little guys have remembered some stuff, we've stumbled into some beach vacation traditions. such as,

daddy always gets mini cereal boxes at the grocery. i'm not sure the boys even know these are available at our local grocery store at home.

another unexpected tradition is fishing... jellyfishing, that is. these are the only ones we've learned how to catch.

the lifeguard explained the small blue ones are babies. (whatever.) these didn't seem to sting. but we also caught clear ones and pink ones the size of dinner plates.

3rd tradition - being stung by jellyfish. one day mac was stung 8 times, 3 times in the same place as shown here. we were all stung once or twice through the week. mac made it into a sport.

so we've become experts on jellyfish stings. here's what you need to know: 1. jellyfish are more present than ever. (see jellyfish story.) 2. take a spray bottle of vinegar with you to the beach. 3. if someone is stung, rub wet sand on the area as this removes any stingers. 4. spray with vinegar. 5. do not use fresh water as this makes pain worse. here's # 6...

yes, you can actually pee on your loved one as the ammonia also brings relief. last year, when mac was stung for the first time, i was unaware of steps 1-5 and only had "Friends" as a reference so i took him up to the house and said, "it's ok, honey. sit here and mommy will get some 'medicine.' i grabbed a cup and headed to the bathroom." what can i say? he stopped crying instantly. "WHAT? I WOULD HAVE DONE IT FOR ANYONE OF YOU! HE'S MY SON AND HE NEEDED MY HELP!"

the 4th tradition we seem to have developed on our summer vacation is my favorite - trying something new. everyone seems to be in the fullness of their adventurous spirits and excited about trying new things. (both of the boys were actually potty-trained on vacation!) we had a ton of "firsts." some on purpose, and some unexpected.

here's a few...

we all drove go-carts for the first time. super fun.

we went out for a late dinner (i.e. 7ish) and stayed out, listening to a band, even did a little dancing.

mac tried his first meatball sandwich. "so, mac, how is it?"

we played on the beach at night.

mac walked all the way up to rick's crab trap and bought some candy all by himself.

when he returned, he decided to share with some friends he made on the beach. later, it occurred to me this event marked another first - mac bought his first round (of skittles). i felt proud and alarmed all at the same time.

davidrussell and i had our first complete conversation on the beach with kids. now that the boys are old enough to play together without one of us doing the "hunched-over-follow-around-coverage" walk around the smallest, we could actually sit next to each other and chat. at first we didn't know what to do with ourselves. it was great. (perhaps it was this kind of "connecting" that lead us back to another 3 years of no conversations on the beach. haha.)

mac and i rode bumper boats for the first time.

we're pretty sure this is where the boys received their first bacterial infection. the tied had been rough all week, but had calmed significantly on our last day. it made me for these awesome sand bars that went 30 feet out. the boys (and lots of other kids) played in these all day. it was a bunch of little baby pools.

sure, it made for lots of fun and cute pics. it also made for a vomiting fiesta all the way to nashville. the poor little guys were so sick, they just slept and puked for about 10 hours. while it sucked for them, it actually worked out pretty well for us as we made great time driving back. i mean, we couldn't feed them or anything so it cut down on stops significantly. we stopped in nashville for the night and by the next morning, everyone was ready for eggs and bacon. cracker barrel was right next to our hotel so there ya go. God is good.

well, those are some of the highlights. i hope next year i'm able to say: here's my first time taking a baby to the beach. but we'll see. we like to call our beach trip "annual," but we want to be open. it sure is a blessing!

here's some more pics...

we stopped for some cheap shoe shopping at the Zappos Outlet in Shepherdsville, KY.

bode is right. this place is disgusting. here's a brilliant review that says it all.

bode and his muscles.

mac and his daddy.

jellyfish, beware.

i love this guy.

family vaca 2008 First Stop: Henderson, KY

2008-11-10T10:00:00.001-05:00

First Stop - Henderson, KY!

david and i lived in henderson, ky for 3 years. it's where we were married and began our life together. there isn't much there other than some special friends of ours - the owen family. we hadn't seen them in a long while and finally we were able to find a date on the calendar that worked for all of us and make a weekend visit. for us, it happened to be the beginning of david's 2-week vacation so we just decided, "why not just stop in henderson on our way to florida?" and that's what we did.

brian and cindy have 3 boys so it was an all-boy weekend to say the least. we arrived just in time for grilled out burgers and delicious beers. we sat on the patio and caught up while the boys got acquainted and sweaty.

really sweaty.

so, of course a bath was in order...

saturday morning, davidrussell and big O made super yummy and fattening breakfast. big O makes scratch gravy now. impressive.

we hung out and hung out and hung out some more. the boys did... well, boy stuff.

will and i bonded over our macbooks...

big O and cindy had arranged for a sitter to come saturday evening so we could go out. (awesome.) we payed a visit to henderson's newest attraction, ruby moon vineyard and winery. after that, we grabbed dinner at hacienda. if you know evansville or henderson, then you know hacienda. if you don't, well, insert your own favorite mexican chain.

after an evening of good cocktails and conversation, we headed home to find what we expected - a bunch of sweaty super heroes. it was unbelievable at this point that we'd only been in their home for about 29 hours. between the 4 of us, we had roasted marshmallows on the fire pit, ate a ton of food, went for a long walk, ate some more, got in the Word (c'mon), laid in the hammock (cindy is a good snuggle friend), enjoyed a leisure wine-tasting, cut out laminated cards for cindy's kindergarten class, ate more food - this time, mexican, and even found some shoes at stein mart.

sunday morning came early, bringing a special surprise - did you know they make these breakfast corn dog things made of sausage and pancakes?! cindy had one ready for each boy, it looked like a sunday morning carnival. we paid a visit to good 'ole First Baptist of Henderson (where we were married) and listened to brian speak some words from the Lord. it was time to say goodbye, so there was only one thing left to do... cracker barrel, of course.

great friends, great family. we love these people.

back in the blog saddle

2008-11-10T09:15:00.003-05:00

i suppose i'll start with an update on my big news. it still stands. a dedicated blogger would document the good, the bad and the ugly. but what about the crappy? i don't know. my first trimester was crappy. with my first 2 babies, i was very nauseous all the time and exhausted. this pregnancy has been no exception. so that's where i've been... in bed. or on the couch. bode has met his t.v. watching quota for the year. i've felt really guilty about that when i've been awake. anyway, i'm almost 17 weeks now and feeling lots better. thank you God!

i mean, i really feel like i missed out on 2 months of my life. i tried to put any energy i had into actually enjoying autumn with my family. it was such a warm, beautiful fall. but i missed a lot of it. last week when the weather was in the 70's, i felt like it was just for me. God said, "hey, i know you missed out on some of this season you love so much, so here's a bonus week for you." when stuff like that happens, it reminds me how much He loves me - pretty cool, huh. so i hope all of you enjoyed my special bonus week gift my heavenly dad gave me.

i tried to enjoy it as much as possible. went for a run, to the park, just played outside. probably my favorite was last tuesday. mac was out of school for election day, but bode was not. so mac and i went to Cincinnati Nature Center and did some hiking. very fun and nice to have some special time with mac.

my blog feels a little empty to me as so much has happened in the past few months and little of it is represented. so my plan is for the next several posts to be an update of sorts. that's the plan anyway...

some news...

2008-09-11T10:24:00.002-05:00

(now might be a good time to invest in Yum! brands.)

off to kindergarten

2008-08-20T07:27:00.009-05:00

i just dropped my tiny newborn baby off at his first day of kindergarten. that's how it goes, you know... you have a tiny little newborn keeping you up all night and then, all of a sudden, you take them to kindergarten.

he's been bouncing off the walls with excitement. we've been discussing it for weeks, he loves to talk about how "great kindergarten will be." it's all day, so i've explained he'll be eating lunch there. he asked, "will i eat dinner there, too?" and "will i stay there and sleep there?" no, buddy, you won't live there. i'll pick you up everyday.

he was so excited to see his teacher, mrs. cooper, aka miss meghan from preschool last year. over the summer she went from "miss" to "mrs." and also from preschool aid to bonafide kindergarten teacher. so it's a day of firsts for all of us.

i was fine until i said goodbye and then i totally teared up and did that laugh/cry combo thing. mrs. cooper fussed over me a little and looked as though she was tearing up, too. it was really funny. i've always wondered what makes a mom cry on this day. what specifically is it that brings the tears? is it b/c she's not ready? or she'll miss him or she's worried? or she's just so proud of him? or maybe she has regrets. maybe she knows the highs and lows school can bring and she longs for a way to prepare him, shield him. well, i suppose you could say it's all of that b/c what made my eyes sting this morning is how much i love my son. i just love him.

and so begins little man's 13+ year career as "full-time student."

now what? i guess bode and i will go to the pool.

or maybe we'll just listen to lee ann womack all day. sniffle, sniffle... sob, sob... i hope you dance, mac. for the love, i hope you dance.

we're back!

2008-08-11T12:08:00.002-05:00

am i the only blogger (or person for that matter) that has grandiose notions of blogging constantly about my life as it's happening and, therefore, placing ridiculous expectations on myself to which i can not possibly measure up?

so we're back from 2 weeks of super fun vaca. from henderson, ky to destin, fl, the russell family shared i adventure after adventure. instead of blogging about how much fun we were having, i decided to keep having it. like erica says, "i don't want to miss the moment b/c i'm trying to capture the moment." that being said, i'll tell you all about it, minus the parts that aren't your business or i just don't feel like talking about. but my boundaries are loose so anything i don't share will result more out of laziness than appropriateness.

we came back refreshed and rested... except for bode who came back super sick. so for the past 2 nights, the only one who has slept is mac. the rest of us are exhausted zombies. so today, instead of talking about vaca with you, i'll probably take a nap. in the meantime, here's a small preview:

the only way to kick off vaca...

2008-07-26T09:28:00.004-05:00

is at the Owen Bed & Breakfast in Henderson, KY. right now the big boys are cookin' up some biscuits and gravy and the little ones are just cookin' up a lot of trouble. and moms are doing what we do best: coffee talk.

vaca prep and errand runnin'

2008-07-25T06:06:00.003-05:00

lots of stuff to come as we're about to hit the road for a 2 week vaca. but right now i'm just drowning in a sea of stuff to be packed. preparing for vacation is exhausting, isn't it. i've ran so many errands this week, i've already been in the car as much as i will be driving to the beach.

all this car time as raised some questions:

a. have you ever been driving down the interstate and all of sudden your vehicle starts shaking and acting funny and you start thinking "ohmahgah!! what the H is wrong with my car?! what's happening??!!! this is it! ohmahgah!! i'm driving like 80! there are cars all around me! what should i do? should i pull over? what's wrong with my car?!" and then it stops as suddenly as it began and you realize, "oh. bad stretch of interstate." phew.

and, i tend to this on the same stretch of I-71 every time i'm on it.

b. have you ever accidentally hit your horn at a red light or something? your desperately waving at the person in front of you with a big smile - "so sorry! accident. really. take your time."

c. have you ever been using your husband's car to run errands and as your walking from store to store at the outdoor shopping center, you catch a glimpse of his vehicle in the parking lot and you start thinking, "what the H is he doing here?! he supposed to be at work. he specifically told me he had a 2 o'clock meeting and... what the H?! that no good, lying, son of a..."

and then you're like - "oh. wait. i drove that car. right."

yard sale '08: the funnest so far!

2008-07-14T06:12:00.009-05:00

hundreds have written in. the phones are lighting up. everyone wants to know: so how was the yard sale?

well, first of all, i made some insane remark about giving you a play-by-play. i had this fantasy of myself sitting on my porch with my little baby macbook, snapping pics of various items and individuals. but reality set in.

it could be that this year's may have been the funnest. (using "funnest" rather than "most fun" is way funner, don't you think?) yes, i just decided that this year's yard sale was the funnest.

late friday morning, the 4 of us went to the pool for some family fun in the sun. parents know how this is: let's spend some QT before we start yelling at them to "quick touching stuff!" or this is my favorite: "excuse me, honey. excuse me, mommy needs to get through. c'mon honey, this box is heavy. i'm not sure what's in it, sweetie. i think some clothes. um, maybe daddy's clothes. now scoot over and let mommy walk through. hel-lo... MAAAAC! MOOOOOOVE!"

my mom came in town friday afternoon and we immediately put her on kid duty (which all grannies love, of course). david and i focused on final prep: 1. gather all junk in the dining room. 2. price in dining room. 3. once priced, move to piles by the door. some people put things out the night before. in our neighborhood, that's fine if you don't need to see "who wants your stuff" and you're not looking to make a lot of money.

around dinnertime, we picked up carry-out from La Mexicana. el-yum-o. i priced stuff til about 9 or 10 pm while david cleaned up areas that were newly empty and bare. then, we hit the sack.

once in bed, i realized i had forgotten to take a shower. i hate it when i do that! i had already played all my "skip it" cards. believe me, a shower had to happen.

saturday 5:30 am: shower, moisturize and dress. descend to the kitchen for coffee. we opted out of the starbucks tradition this year b/c, well, david makes really good coffee and we had plenty so we were cool.

6:30 am: i followed david around for a bit. this is the time when i typically get cold feet on stuff i love. "honey, do you think we should keep this another year? i mean, if we blahblahblah." david is always like "it's going in the yard, kelly."

7 am: we're in full set-up mode. we borrow tables and clothes racks b/c presentation is important. there are several families on our street setting up at this point, but we don't speak much b/c you can kind of tell who the morning people are and who the morning people are not. listen, if you're up early and your neighbor is out and he doesn't even look in your direction, don't speak to him. even the Bible says not a good idea: Proverbs 27:14 "If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse."

i believe it's totally ok to finish up pricing in the morning as you set up, but it's good to have a plan. pricing the little things is important. you never know what people want to buy. they will buy the dumbest stuff and they want to know "how much?" is this 10 cents or 25 cents? you don't want to spend your day making decisions about sense. so it's best to get a pack of those of yard sale stickers and just stick everything. junky small stuff can go in a box marked "10 cents" or something but it shouldn't be too full. people do not like to dig.

we also use some signs. for example, hardbacks and paperbacks are in a box with a price sign. dvds and vhs tapes go in a box with a sign. small toys are in a box marked "10 cents." we also had a FREE bin.

technically the yard sale starts at 9, but people start coming between 7:30 and 8. my next door neighbor, Widow Mockbee, participated with her sister this year and were full of doom and gloom about the weather. it was, indeed, cloudy and they kept calling over to david and i, "supposed to storm, 80% chance!" they were killing us. we'd call back, "it's not going to storm. stop it." so david and i started praying over our yard and the whole event. "God, we want sun. we want a super fun, sunny day. never mind the worrying doom/gloom sisters. we believe you're going to clear this stuff up." you know, stuff like that. and we were kind of loud. a little later it started to drizzle and they yelled over "david, keep prayin'" so that was kind of funny. it did this a couple of times and david would start talking to the clouds like he was Moses and i said, oh snap. davidrussell is bringin' it. weellll...we-eh-ehlll.

8:30 am: the boys got up and granny got them ready to go to alli and bill's house. david took them over about 9 and when they came outside, they fell out. "what is going on out here?!" this is really the first year it has registered for them. they're yelling, "that's my ___, and that's my ___!" we told them, "yep. say goodbye." so they did. and left for a fun-filled day with friends.

9:30 am: granny ate her left-over burrito and made me an egg sandwich.

10 am: davidrussell returned with My Favorite Muffin and passed them out to all our neighbors. this was so adorable, generous and attractive that i made up my mind in that moment he was getting lucky that night. but as it turns out organizing and executing a yard sale is a sex-life killer.

so let's see, i suppose by this time we had made about $25 and drank our weight in coffee.

11 am: this is late by yard sale standards so we started slashing prices. we don't haggle too much. we'll take just about any offer if it isn't too ridiculous. the goal is for people to take things away so we don't have to.

11:30 am: we start looking over our neighbors stuff and vice versa. we ended up buying a dresser and side table from the newlyweds for mac's room. there's a great crowd on our street and the sun is blazing.

12:30 pm: i heat up my left-over burrito. and semi-rudely eat it while people look over my stuff. we sold a lot of toys, dvds, books and, surprisingly, vhs tapes. we sold a shelf, side table and some other household knickknack stuff. why am i telling you this? who cares?

1:30 pm: the boys return. mac has found some money and starts walking around asking if he can buy something in his own yard.

2 pm: we begin loading and cleaning up. david hauled everything up to Good Will. he said there was such a long line that people were just leaving stuff on the curb and driving away.

3 pm: the newlyweds walk over with cold beers. we were all fried. totally exhausted. everyone we've talked to made about the same - $150. but everyone agreed - it was a blast. a super fun, sunny yard sale day.

at this point, davidrussell and i are skeptical we'll even have enough stuff to participate next year. but a lot can happen in a year. or you can always bring over your crap and join us.

history of a yard sale: a hoarder's memoir

2008-07-13T06:55:00.006-05:00

when i was a kid, my babysitter would drag me around to yard sales and buy crocheted pot-holder type stuff. i never got anything so i didn't like it. my parents were sort of yard sale snobs so i just thought other people do this, not us. but not anymore! i love it! however if i did it for the money, i would not. there's no money in yard saling.

anyway, here's the story of how our annual yard sale came to be. it's laced with some great clean-out-your-s#!t/yard sale tips...

we've lived in this neighborhood for 7 years. the first few years of the community yard sale, i would get up early and walk our little jack russell ("nipsy") around and look for stuff to buy. but really my heart's desire was to participate as a seller. it's a great opportunity to sit outside all day in the sun and talk with neighbors while you get rid of a bunch of crap. and we certainly needed to get rid of some crap. so i began to talk it over with davidrussell:

me - "can we have a yard sale?"

david - "no."

me - "can we please have a yard sale?"

david - "no."

after mac was born, the wretched stuff really started piling up. and as a hoarder, i was more and more overwhelmed. for example, when hoarders become parents, they start hoarding all the baby stuff - every card, every piece of doctor visit paper, every dumb outfit or toy that will never be used. this is the thought pattern: "shouldn't i save this for his baby book? shouldn't i save this info in case i need it? shouldn't i save this in case that person ever comes to visit and wonders where that gift is? shouldn't i save this to chart his growth pattern over the first 10 years of his life? what if i don't save this for his memory box and then when he's 16 and he asks about his umbilical cord and i don't have it and then he feels like i don't love him b/c i didn't save his umbilical cord in his memory box that i haven't even started making yet? ohmahgah, i'm such a terrible mother." many mothers struggle with these thoughts, but the hoarder twist is the thought of throwing it away plays 2nd to "shouldn't i keep it and then get really organized?" hoarders think if they could just get organized then it wouldn't be so bad keeping everything. it's sort of denial. hoarders play it safe by always deciding "keep it." throwing things away is risky, even dangerous.

when mac was born not only did we get more stuff, but we also started discussing more seriously the idea of finishing our basement. but the amount of stuff down there made it impossible. again, this is common, but a hoarder will become paralyzed with fear re: the idea of cleaning stuff out. hel-lo-oo. if hoarders were good at getting rid of stuff, they wouldn't... be... hoarders.

lastly, babies cost money. and we were spending money monthly on a rented storage facility. so it didn't make much sense to decrease storage by finishing the basement when we seemingly didn't have enough storage with an unfinished basement. yes, it's a bit ridiculous. stay with me. so here's where we landed in a may '03. we had to get rid of a lot of shit. davidrussell still did not want to have a yard sale b/c he dreaded the preparation, the pricing, the moving around of stuff -- basically the all around yard sale-ness of the yard sale. BUT he was witnessing more clean-this-stuff-out passion coming from his wife than ever before. it was opportunity he couldn't pass up. he's the most organized person ever. he's like my own Peter Walsh. and this was happening way before Oprahism brought hoarding awareness into the mainstream. so we started having some really honest conversations (these are always good in marriages). i was crying a lot and telling him, "i just don't know how to clean this stuff out. i don't know where it goes. i'm scared of what i might find. every unfinished project feels like a failure. and what if i do ____ again? won't i need ________?"

it feels like waiting for you in every box are all your unrealized goals, unfinished projects, events that hurt you, friends you've lost touched with, or seasons of life that were so wonderful you're afraid you might forget how it feels to be that happy. each box holds a mirror of your failures, your lack of self-discipline, reminders that your parents either didn't care enough to teach you healthy boundaries or were too screwed up to have them for themselves. the boxes hold all these secrets of how you really feel on the inside and you would be mortified if anyone ever found out that this crap was here in your house and in your heart -- and then comes the deep shame.

(oh, and did i mention the self-pity?)

ok, let me pause for a minute. we were not living in like a sea of record albums and cat hair. we had lovely living spaces in our home and stuff was cleaned up. but every place where something could be shoved, something was shoved and we were out of room. when we would visit my parents house, we would get a preview of how it will be in 30 years if i didn't get a handle on it. (b/c eventually the hoarders habits overtake the neat person's habits. all things being equal, my hoarding would have won. that's how it always works.)

ok, back to the emotional ringer. basically, i'm desperate.

me "i want to do this but i don't know how."

david - "i'll help you. i'll stay with you every step of the way."

me - "i'm afraid of what you might see in some of these boxes. i'm embarrassed."

david - "nothing i come across will freak me out, gross me out or piss me off."

me - "i don't even know where to start."

david - "you don't have to know. i have a plan. you just show up."

good stuff, people. good stuff.

here's how it played out:

we picked a weekend and totally protected it. NO PLANS. we asked my mom to come in town and watch baby mac. so we had zero baby duty. we started bright and early. david sat me in a chair in the middle of the basement. to the sides of the chair were 2 boxes and a trash bag. one box marked "KEEP," one marked "DECIDE LATER" and the bag was for TRASH. when i saw the "DECIDE LATER" box i started to panic and david said, "i'm going to be here the whole time. i won't leave you alone to do deal with this stuff." (i know it sounds crazy, doesn't it. i'm telling you... when you watch shows like Clean House, that's what these people are feeling.)

ok, so i sat in the chair and david put the first box in front of me. he said, "ok. start with this box. go through it and decide - keep, decide later, trash. i'm going deal with the keep and trash stuff after you decide. i'll be right here if you need me."

so i did the first box and when it was empty, david made it a big deal - First Box! Awesome! here's another one - Bam! right in front of me. and that's how it went all day. we eventually made it to the storage unit and did the same thing. then from the KEEP and DECIDE LATER stuff we began to make a YARD SALE pile. this entire process took a lot longer than a single weekend. it was actually several weekends, but you get the gist. i'm a starter and david is a finisher so we make a great team.

david was still dreading the yard sale itself. he didn't think we'd make any money and that it would be not worth the work. i didn't care about the money as much as just the relational community aspect. well, we had already planned a 4 day trip to key west when mac was 7 months old to celebrate 6 months of parenting and successful weaning. it happened to be 2 weeks after the our neighborhood's yard sale. so we set our profit expectations low and agreed whatever money we made would be key west beer money. then davidrussell became semi-excited about the yard sale.

for our first yard sale, we rolled out of bed about 5:30 am and started setting up (before baby mac woke up). david went to starbucks and got us some yummy caffeine. we drank coffee, chatted with buyers and met many of our neighbors for the first time. mac hung out on the porch in a lap or the megasaucer. it was breezy, hot and sunny all day. around noon lori and david showed up with a 6 pack of blue moon and some oranges. "what's up? how's the yard sale going?" we hung out, drank beer on the porch and about 2 pm, both davids started loading the truck. oh, did i mention the #1 rule re: yard sales? NOTHING COMES BACK IN THE HOUSE. we have a Good Will 10 blocks from our house so about 2 pm, we start the process of taking stuff up there that didn't sell.

by 3:30 pm everyone was gone, the yard was empty and our entire house was taking a nap. i think we made a little under $200.

we have participated almost every year since. some traditions that have carried on are starbucks in the morning and beer in the afternoon. we continue to have friends stop by. my sister is notorious for picking something out, insisting she pay for it and promising to pick it up later and... well, i think we have actually sold "her stuff" to other people the following year. i can't be sure. some new traditions include shipping the boys off to a friend's house for most of the day. this cuts down on chaos and allows david and i to relax, enjoy and not yell at our kids. and so far, the tradition has been sunny days. we've had a drizzle here and there, but that's it. we believe that's not an accident.

and, boy, have i changed. hallelujah! i no longer live in scarcity and fear. i no longer ask questions like "but what if...?" i no longer assume an impoverished attitude as if any minute my world is going to come crashing down and i'm going to need ____. and i no longer assume the burden that if someone else's world comes crashing down, it will be my job to provide them _____. it's pure freedom. i'm a lily the field, people. a lily in the m'f'in' field. my job is to be lovely and sway in the wind. word up.

yard sale update

2008-07-12T15:34:00.002-05:00

i'm exhausted.

yard sale eve (countdown to freedom begins!)

2008-07-11T06:10:00.012-05:00

it's the big weekend, people. THE BIG WEEKEND. 4 words: Yar. da. Say. le. our neighborhood's annual community yard sale happens tomorrow! in exactly 24 hours, davidrussell and i will be neatly dumping our junk into the our freshly mulched front yard for all to see and buy.

as a recovering hoarder, this is like my annual sobriety party. i have lots to say, but i also have lots to do and davidrussell just rolled out of bed. time to get busy. i'm so excited, i might even do some kind of obnoxious play-by-play for all you loyal readers.

to the left, to the left. everything i own in a box to the left.

you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here...

2008-07-09T20:53:00.002-05:00

that's pretty much what i told this little guy when i found him (or her) in my backyard. he was way to close to my tiny vegetable garden and i had a million things going on. i did not have time for this foolishness.

i gave him plenty of warning before i let maggie out. maggie chased him up the side of my house. i banged a broom on the house and said, "you have to GO!" "shouldn't you be in bed?" "you have to go now."

turned out to be a great lesson for mac and i. we learned overtired, average-sized raccoons can hold onto the side of a brick house for about 18 minutes before falling off.

seriously, i should homeschool.

BFF

2008-07-03T07:00:00.011-05:00

a few weeks ago we took a drive to crawfordsville, IN to visit my BFF, Erica. friends since birth, we grew up on dawkins court together in good 'ole okolona, KY, where big hair is always welcomed. this photo is from my 13th birthday party. erica was pushing 15. we were both pushing the fashion envelope.

we did it all on dawkins ct. -- erica, me, erica's brother (jason) and a gaggle of patterson kids. kickball, hide 'n' seek, clubhouses, truth or dare, and a lot of barbies. my god, the barbies.

some of my favorite memories come from our latchkey days. my 12th summer i had the house to myself every day. erica and jason, 2 houses down, had the same set up. i'd roll out of bed and head over to "erica's breakfast cafe" where she'd sit cross-legged on her mom's kitchen countertop and fix up some pancakes for jason and i. after breakfast some pattersons might show up and we'd plan our day -- find a ride to the pool, research what local youth group was planning a king's island trip we could join, tape songs off the radio. on rainy days, we'd watch a lot of Showtime. this photo also marks a safe place for me. since i can remember, being with erica has meant a place to feel secure and accepted, free and loved. erica has been through her own stuff so it seems our lives never shocked each other. (i think we've been through 7 divorces between the 2 of us, courtesy our parents.) i always looked up to her, wanted to be like her. until she'd start talking about entering the medical field. man, when science comes up, i shut down. period.

we never attended the same school (well, maybe blue lick elementary for one year), but we downloaded every detail about our days to each other. i knew all the characters in her world, and vice versa. so when a social event popped up for one, the other would often tag along. skating parties, homecoming dances, whatever.

this carried on even through college. erica was a phi mu at Hanover and i was an alpha gam at Murray State. we both ended up elected social chairman and living in the sorority house. these were pre-email days so we wrote a lot of letters. erica would write all over the envelope, "Alpha Gams do it with the lights on!", "Phi Mu rules, Alpha Gam drools," etc. my roommates would panic when they picked up the mail. "uh, kelly..." once i explained, the girls in my house would look forward to erica's letters, anticipating how she might insult us on the envelope and delight us on the inside. i can remember reading parts aloud b/c they were so hilarious and the girls in the house beginning to keep up with the characters of Hanover College. my sorority sisters would introduce me to friends from home, saying, "this is my 'erica'!" we made the drive a few times to our different ends of BFE, to witness the other's collegiate world. this was always such an adventure for me. erica is 2 years ahead of me in life so i was always getting a heads' up to what the future might hold.

she's been like this forerunner in my life, going up ahead of me to "scope out" and then coming back to give me the "layout" and prepare me. before i enter a new stage of life, erica shows up at my door with some care package of goodies -- "everything i'm going to need," an obvious symbol of what the previous 2 years has taught her, a basket of wisdom.

summer before i started college, she appeared with a compact Webster's set and a cork board on which she had drawn "Murray State" and "Kelly." "you're going to need this for your dorm," she said. david and i married very untraditionally and therefore had no wedding cake. from somewhere in chicago, erica found a bakery in northern ky that would create and deliver the top of wedding cake on our first anniversary. "you're going to need this to celebrate year one." i received 3 of these survival kits when i became pregnant. the last she brought to my house with her 9 month old, reagan. mac was 3 weeks old? 6 weeks old? i can't remember. the mom cave is a blur. anyway, this basket's theme was breastfeeding 101. pads, books, and the like. these days it seems we have evened out some. both just a couple of 30-somethings, being moms and wives and ourselves. maybe when i'm 80, she'll show up from the "home" and hand over basket of everything i'll need at "Shady Acres."

i could go on and on about the adventures of kelly and erica. i could tell the story of when erica "rapped" a rebuttal over the phone to a kid that dumped me in 7th grade. or i could tell the one about how my 21st birthday fell on Indy 500 day so erica and kent insisted i spend my 21st in the infield (some of this story is pure hearsay.) or i could start talking about twyla...

anyway, this tip of our friendship iceberg is simply a lengthy shout-out to a woman i love. these days she lays her head in crawfordsville, indiana. we finally managed to get the family up there for a visit. while some of our gaggles have met here and there, this was the first time both of our entire families were together. without further ado, behold our trip to crawfordsville...

we were just a bit early for the big festival. bummer. i was ready to get my strawberry on.

whether it's chicago or crawfordsville, erica has always been drawn to urban living...

we spent a whole day just hanging out at erica's house, with the exception of a nap time break. the weather was gorgeous and her backyard is a kid haven. it was easy. like their mom and dad, reagan, reese, and sam possess a huge gift of hospitality. it took all of 15 seconds for friendship to spark, shoes to come off, etc.

erica and i find the best way to play catch-up is to talk continuously and simultaneously during our entire time together.

kent put law on hold for a bit to join us for lunch. a heart for justice, an even bigger heart for friends and family. what a guy.

the boys were absolutely fried from the drive the night before and the "bouncing-off-the-walls-ness" of the hotel room, so we took them back to the hotel for a little nap.

david and i hung out in "the other room" while they slept. ah, traveling with little kids...

we headed back over for grilling out and more festivities. we had such a super time just "being" with our dear friends for a while. it's such a blessing being kids together and then knowing each other's kids. i saw so much of erica in her girls -- good stuff. they're both great parents. i mean, look at kent's toes, for crying out loud. he chops wood, wrestles bears, and he's perfectly comfortable allowing his daughters to paint his toes. what a guy.

we left well past everyone's bedtime, but it was hard to say goodbye. it seemed like we had just scratched the surface. the boys did not want to leave.

super awesome kids. there's actually 4 in this pic. but one you can't see, it's still cookin'.

the next morning we grabbed some breakfast and swung by The Practice to visit kent at his office.

these hooligans were in the waiting room seeking legal advice. they got right down to business. it must have been important...

even though she's a cantaloup eater, i just love my friend, erica. and i love her whole family. look at her -- isn't she a button? and her girls are just as pretty, her baby boy is just as sweet. what a super trip.

LYLAS. BFF. 2Good

+2Be

4Gotten

Headline: Boys Caught Sharing in Photo

2008-06-25T08:56:00.011-05:00

Newport, KY. A mother discovered her two young boys sharing a bag of cereal on her front porch this morning. She claims she did not tell the boys to share, but rather it was their idea. This act of sharing appears to be spontaneous and joyful.

"I had no idea this was going on." said Kelly Russell, the boys' mother. "I immediately grabbed my camera as I knew no one would believe me."

Russell claims the three year old, Bode, discovered a Ziploc bag of Raisin Bran left on the entry way table by her husband, the boys' father. Excited, Bode showed it to his brother, Mac, five years old. Bode then asked his mother if he could eat it on the porch, according to Russell.

"I simply said yes. When Mac decided to join him, frankly, I expected to hear arguing and whining about the cereal," Russell said.

Russell says that while she has attempted to teach her boys to share, and even punished for not sharing, she has never witnessed anything like this.

"I could hardly believe my own eyes. I mean, I tend to be open-minded about stuff like this -- Bigfoot, Loch Ness and the like. But I never thought I would see it with my own eyes."

Authorities say they have no reason to disbelieve Russell's story at this point. A statement released claims: "This appears to be an act of spontaneous, joyful sharing between two brothers. While the investigation continues, so far no evidence has been found to prove otherwise." Russell says she can wait.

"I was a skeptic until today. I know what I saw."

Fans of the Game!

2008-06-20T06:00:00.004-05:00

this was the photo on the jumbo-tron at the Reds game yesterday as David and Mac Russell were declared "Fans of the Game!"

i've always wondered what the "Fan of the Game" wins. turns out nothing... except seeing yourself on the jumbo-tron which, as i consider it, is maybe a something.

from the backseat...

2008-06-19T06:43:00.004-05:00

mac: "bode, you're a big tree with bologna sandwiches hanging from it!"

bode: "oh yeah, mac? well, yer baptized! yer BAPTIZED, MAC!"

my dad

2008-06-15T09:54:00.004-05:00

september 1978. i was 5 and my dad was 1 month away from his 30th birthday. snapping this shot is the fancy timer on my dad's new Nikon. photography was his newest hobby. i suspect he picked the Nikon brand b/c of paul simon.

this was a time when it was just me and my dad. i was living a tough life for a little kid, but i didn't know it. my dad made our life an adventure. he made simple things fun and i never for a single minute wondered if he loved me. we camped a lot, ate dinner out of cans and saw a lot of movies. he gave me a tambourine and played his guitar singing songs like "Sister Golden Hair" and "Margaritaville." he took me to see plays at Actor's Theater and we always arrived early enough to have a drink in the bar. i wore dresses and ordered Shirley Temples.

since i became a parent, i have often reflected on my childhood, wondering how my dad did it -a 20-something bachelor with a little girl to raise. people looked at us and scratched their heads, asking "where is your mother?" i didn't know we weren't a "normal" family.

i think we parents sometimes fear our kids are going to wake up one morning and say, "you don't know what you're doing, do you. i mean, it occurred to me this morning over my fruit loops that you are winging this whole deal and you haven't got a clue."

i rest in the fact that this cereal moment never happened with me. my context was "dad's got this." i believe that's a gift from God - blind trust from our children. it's good. i don't always deserve it, but i will always receive it.

he'll be 60 this year. wo. in the 35 years i've known him, i've never seen anything about him that says he's perfect. but he has been the perfect dad for me. and if you know me, you know how much i love talking about him. i've had my turn. now it's yours...

what's so great about your dad?

a bittersweet farewell

2008-06-07T12:03:00.005-05:00

our friends, kim and shane, are moving away today. they only moved to cincy from dallas a year ago. and now they're off oklahoma to work at a ranch for boys that need just the kind of love kim and shane are made to give. our time with them has been short, but our friendship will be eternal. sappy, but true.

i'm excited for them, but sad to see them go.

my feelings are best expressed through the one-hit wonder band Double You's all-time 90's classic...

making history

2008-06-04T07:09:00.006-05:00

seriously, people. i don't care who you are, politically or otherwise... this is what we call "making history."

my sons come from a bloodline that began through a "transaction" between a black slave that stole a ham from the master's smokehouse and an irish indentured servant that wanted the ham for her family. Gus Russell was the result of that "transaction."

i encourage you to put your political views aside today (or forever) and simply appreciate this historical moment.

title: the big weekend was super fun! subtitle: i survived without krissy's shoes... barely

2008-06-01T09:50:00.015-05:00

what a sweet anniversary surprise. 11 years... wo.

this is the sitting area of our room at 21C. just kidding. this is the lobby.

the rooms include 42 inch flat screens and iPods. ours also had chocolate covered strawberries waiting for us with our turn-down service. the cocktails pictured were delicious shaken margaritas of which we had many in the Proof bar.

the bathroom came with our very own attendant.

davidrussell bumped into some friends.

ABOTR

ok, so why in the world would i go to Abbey Road on the River, a 3-day Beatle tribute festival? well, i do love the beatles. and i do love to sit outside, drink beer and listen to live music. but mostly, i just love my dad... and hanging out with my dad.

the music is super, and also just being there is entertaining. there are lots of "normal" people, and also other "types" such as:

a. people who want to be the beatles. these folks are dressed up like various beatles from various beatle seasons, i.e. i saw a few Sgt. Pepper Ringos and one Yoko. seriously, this chick was short and asian and had the whole "short-hair with sunglasses" Yoko look going. she even looked kind of mad. i felt as those if she suddenly demanded something of me, i would instinctively do it.

b. people who decided at some point during the 60's, "i found my best life and i'm staying." these are the people that appear as though they have dressed "the part" for the festival, but... oh, wait a minute... that's how they really dress. lots of tie dye and hair and i find myself wondering, where do you go when you're not here? like, do you where that to work? i like to refer to these people as "festival people." festival people are people who seem to be prepared at all times to attend a particular type of festival should one break out. there are many types, i.e. 60's music festival people, renaissance festival people, reggae, civil war reenactment, and so on.

anyway, 5 stages spread out along the Belvedere featuring beatles tribute bands from all over the world. we watched bands from puerto rico, germany and canada. my dad and i (and erin) have done this festival together before and it's sort of becoming a memorial day weekend tradition. this is the first year davidrussell and the boys came with us. here are some pics...

kids always find good seats.

of all the beatles albums, mac and bode prefer Abbey Road. saturday on the lawn stage, they had an album theme going. when we arrived and "set up camp," they announced the next band. "everyone welcome to the stage Savoy Truffle from cincinnati! we'll continue our beatle album tribute as they bring us Abbey Road." (what?!) accident? i think not.

so the boys got comfortable and listened to their favorites, "oh darlin'," "octopus's garden," and mac's song - "here comes the sun."

yep, that's my dad. i love that guy.

"i'd like to be... under the sea..."

super weekend. here's some good news- sometimes weekend plans and family visits actually happen like you hope or even better. the weather is perfect, the marriage is loving, the kids behave, there's a little money around, and family relationships are working. sometimes it's easy and real. i not only appreciate when these instances happen, i receive them as promises of what's to come.

title: why i love "monsters" subtitle: authority

2008-06-01T07:19:00.003-05:00

this little girl knows something about authority. she was "knit together in her mother's womb" (psalm 139) with this knowledge she did nothing to obtain.

i was in a relationship with Jesus for 20 years before i ever learned that this meant i had been given authority. it starts with an understanding that Jesus said, "if i can do it, you can do it." read Matthew 10 (the whole chapter) and understand that you are no different than the disciples. this changes everything. for a decade i read that chapter like it was no more than the next chapter in a story. while sometimes it inspired me, it never occurred to me everything there was for me. it's the locker room talk before the big game. it's where Jesus says, "ok, here's what it means to be a disciple. this is the real deal. go."

so what's the first thing Jesus gives the team? authority to heal every disease and cast out demons. people, this is not figurative language.

now let's switch gears for a minute and talk about spiritual gifts. (went 20 years before i knew anything about these either.) these are gifts you are given in the knitting process (and also you can ask for them). they are irrevocable (romans 11). no, being a good singer is not a spiritual gift. neither is being funny, which is slightly disappointing. anyway, along with these gifts, i believe when God is making us in our momma's belly, he's giving us "spiritual muscle tone" in various areas. in the same way my son, mac, was born with Lance Armstrong legs. i mean, literally, he came out with these meaty marathon legs. he did nothing to "earn" them. God does the knitting and he chose to bless mac with these legs.

the first time i ever saw this youtube clip, sure i thought it was hilarious. but even more so i wanted to yell, "that's right! c'mon, little girl!" the world teaches our kids to hide under the covers or crawl in bed with mom and dad when they're afraid there's a monster in their room. parents encourage this behavior. someone with school-age children was telling me, "my kids sleep on the floor in my room b/c they're too scared to sleep in their own beds." wo. that's a situation where Fear is winning. and let's be clear - Fear is a dude. He works for the big Evil Dude. so Fear is just hanging out in our kids' bedrooms, running them out of their own spaces. NOT OKAY. once i realized and received my authority, i came to understand i can pray, not just for my kids, but on behalf of my kids. and i can teach my kids how to receive their authority, i.e. talk to that scary stuff and tell it to get lost.

i love this book b/c it totally helps with this concept. we read this at bedtime and we talk about how at the end of the story, the boy no longer needs to "call the doctor." he tells the monsters himself, "no more jumping on the bed!" once we receive our authority in Jesus Christ (from the doctor, if you will), we can talk to that stuff just like He did.

one night mac was having bad dreams. i went in his room and he was telling me about the dream- there were alligators chasing him. of course, i held him and comforted him. and of course, i was tempted to bring him in my bed or crawl into his. but i felt i first needed to try to teach him about fighting back. so i prayed for him and his room. and then i told him, "mac, if you see alligators again, you say 'Jesus says get away!'" (i know that might sound corny, but cut me some slack. i'm new at all this.) he said ok and we practiced a bit. he went back to sleep and i went back to bed. a few hours later i awoke to mac yelling very firmly, "NO!" and then again, "NO!" it sounded as if he was speaking to a dog misbehaving. i jumped out of bed and then i listened and waited. i didn't hear anything. i checked on him and he was sleeping peacefully. i thought, well alright. thanks, God. that's good stuff.

ok, now i'll try to bring all this home... so what took me 20 years to learn, this little girl was born understanding. that is, the knowledge and understanding of authority in Jesus Christ. when you watch the video, you can see her attitude says, "duh. this is a no-brainer. i'm gonna kick his ass before he kicks mine." i had my ass kicked all over the place by "monsters" before i really learned and received what having Christ means, including that i can fight back.

my prayer is that this youtube sweetie pie is the iceberg's tip of what God is doing in the next generation - making little warrior love machines that have clear understanding of the Truth and are happy to share it with anyone who will listen, including their moms.

oh and really... i think they should say "bottom" or maybe "bucket."

35 years ago today...

2008-05-29T13:43:00.002-05:00

i was born. i'm gonna party like it's 1979. which probably means watch color television.

title: a big weekend! subtitle: i should have kept krissy's shoes

2008-05-22T18:13:00.008-05:00

for our 11 year anniversary, davidrussell is taking me here:

21C museum hotel

louisville friends,

please meet us for a drink in the Proof bar on friday night.

next, we'll pick up our kids from my dad's and all go here:

get into your yellow submarine and meet us saturday on the river. this could be the whitest thing davidrussell ever does...

recipe for a pirate party

2008-05-22T06:52:00.023-05:00

every kid needs a pirate party. ours turned out pretty darn well. so well, in fact, i wanted to share with you my personal recipe. here are some suggested ingredients for a fun, 3 year old birthday pirate party:

1. evite invitation - they have a couple of cute pirate graphics and b/c you have to fill it out yourself, there's lots of opportunity pirate jargon.

2. pirate apparel - these should be included in your favors, but give them to the kids as soon as they arrive. we had eye patches and hats. and grown-up krissy even brought fake earrings.

3. a pirate. (or a dad that's willing to dress up like a pirate.)

and also a parrot...

3. a treasure map. i downloaded this one and printed it out on kaki 11x17. when the little pirates arrive, have maps and crayons/markers ready at tables. encourage them to begin making their treasure map b/c later "we might have to search for the treasuaaah!" the maps are a nice way to corral the kids until everyone arrives.

4. tattoos - very important. while the kids color their maps, recruit a grown-up to be the tattoo dude or lady and put tattoos on the kids. sara p. helped me out with this. she is bode's teacher and brought bode's special friend, sara e., to the party. (yes, there are lots of saras. try to keep up.)

5. now with the apparel, tattoos and treasure maps, the kids are totally in the pirate spirit. and they are also already in their seats so if you plan to serve food, this is the perfect time to do it. i kept it simple with pizza. and dave brought Pirate's Booty so we ate that, too.

6. How I Became a Pirate - as the kids finish their food, read this book to them. it's such a cute book and towards the end of the story, the pirates bury the treasure in jeremy's backyard. after the story, give guests their sand buckets (see #7) and maps and lead them to the backyard to look for the treasuaaah!

7. buckets and treasure - ok, here's where i'll speak more about favors and activities. provide guests with their own sand bucket and shovel. (i found these in the dollar aisle at target.) find a creative way to personalize them (i simply used a sharpie.) the bucket serves as the "goodie bag." but the goodie bag is empty b/c the goodies are buried in the backyard.

we found small treasure chest piggy banks that we filled with candy, little pirate-ish toys and tattoos. we created one per guest.

8. pirate cove in your own backyard - (this is where the treasure is buried!) choose a nook area of your backyard. you'll need a tarp, 10 - 15 bags of sand (we only used 8 bags and it wasn't quite enough), and some creepy pirate accessories. remember, pirate coves are not pleasant. basically, you just want to create a beach in your backyard. (we would have worked a baby pool into this shindig, but it was too chilly.)

before the party, bury the "treasure" in the sand. in addition to the treasure chests, we buried other stuff like containers of candy and packs of stickers so there was plenty of stuff to dig up.

9. digging for treasure - ok, so the story is over and all the kids have their buckets and maps. release them to the backyard and let them dig in the sand and fill their buckets with loot. our little pirates had so much fun playing in the sand that they really kept forgetting they were supposed to be finding treasure. it was a hoot.

10. pirate cake - we had a captain jack cake but any pirate cake will do. after we were all sandy, we decided to just stay outside. we had cake, opened presents and the kids played until parents picked up and/or it was time to go.

so that's my recipe for a pretty fun pirate party that my 3 year old just might remember... or not. oh, and i almost forgot...

the pirate cove and the whole party for that matter wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for my man, davidrussell. if anyone is wondering what an incredible dad looks like, they need look no further than this black pirate. ooo, i love that guy.

nhlanhla gladstone

2008-05-21T16:09:00.003-05:00

gladstone left us today. he spent 5 days with us during his visit to the u.s. from mamelodi, south africa. his schedule kept him busy, but we did manage to introduce him to s'mores and mexican food. i'm not sure he was impressed with either.

he's a 22 year old college student, musician, and a bit of a goofball. my kids adore him, especially bode. we'll miss him, but i suspect he'll be back someday.

bode is 3!

2008-05-16T07:59:00.006-05:00

while here he's simply mild-mannered bode enjoying his morning "coffee" (o.j. and apple juice mixed together), later today he'll become...

Captain Buccaneer Bode of the Seven Seas of the Ohio! Argh!

yes, bode has been alive for 3 years and he's actually getting a party this year. not that a cupcake and balloons isn't good enough, but it seems like whatever parents do for the 1st child is cut in half for the 2nd. half the photos, half the parties, half the gifts. oh well. when the 2nd child comes, then it's double the fun, right?

this morning bode and i chatted over coffee about his birthday:

me - "bode! 3 years ago you were in my belly and you came out."

bode - "yeah, i was a baby in yo' bellee. and i said, 'ha, ha, ha.'"

me - "you were laughing inside my belly?"

bode - "yeah. i said, 'ha, ha, ha' and i was tickling you. and you lookin' around and you said, (his voice deepens) 'hey, who's that ticklin' me?'"

i thought, that sounds about right. although i didn't realize i sound like a stuffy old man when i talk.

this isn't the first time bode has demonstrated a remarkable memory. i was happy to hear his perspective from the "inside."

anyway, what am i doing talking to you people?! i still have to bury the treasure, make the grog and swab the poopdeck.

semi-annual haircut

2008-05-11T18:57:00.007-05:00

mac's semi-annual haircut took place friday. tempers ran high, but mac endured. david held on to his patience by a thread.

look at the little clenched fist. if he knew the words "go beep yourself, daddy," he would have said them. i guess he would have also told me what i could do with the beepin' camera, for that matter.

after an emotional bath, it was Noggen and dry Kix. can i a guy re-group for the love?

it always ends well. he giggles when he looks in the mirror. he likes the change. while we think it's all very hip and cool to have a little surfer "do," it's a summertime pain for a little boy that gets hot, takes a lot of baths and can't see b/c his hair is in his eyes. now maybe he's just more of a jack johnson surfer. i'm just glad to see his forehead. i was missing it.

happy mother's day!

2008-05-11T17:58:00.008-05:00

it's good to be a mom. and it only gets better. the first few years of motherhood means a lot of "daddy signing baby's name" and "oh, look at the gift baby got mommy." it feels a little ridiculous, but it's also sweet. anyway, the boys are gaining a better understanding of holidays like today and they are excited. it's very sweet and fun. all 3 boys gave me super sweet gifts - a new watering can, and new gardening gloves in my favorite color. and also my favorite flowers in my favorite color. they're even my favorite kind of flower to get - the kind i can plant rather than the kind i can put in a vase. (there's probably a more poetic way to say that.) also an iTunes gift card - (anyone want to recommend a good musical download?)

of course, mother's day tends to be one of those "make mom a craft at school" holidays. i don't know if it ever gets old, but i was very excited. plus, this year has been the first year that mac has "got it." i picked him up from school last week and he handed me a big card and decorated brown bag. he said, "here, mommy, this is for you. happy mother's day!" it's a very normal thing to do, but the first time your child says it on his own without prompting, etc., it's pretty darn cool. anyway, inside the bag was a flower the kids had obviously potted in class. but my favorite of all is the card. mac had shared all last week that they were learning about caterpillars and butterflies. when i received the card, i discovered why....

c'mon. it's a butterfly. is that the sweetest little card ever? and look what's inside:

you can't read that? what is wrong with you? it says: I love you. Happy Mom Day. Mac. (not necessarily in that order.) anyway, this is the first card the little guy wrote all by himself. this mom stuff doesn't get easier, but it certainly gets more fun. and more sweet. and more noomie noomie.

get M.A.B.!

2008-05-04T07:01:00.010-05:00

i'm MAB! i'm MAB and i'm not gonna take it anymore. join me in the fight! join Moms Against Balloons.

i hate balloons. i hate balloon animals, i hate balloon animal hats. and i have a strong dislike for people who earn money making balloon animal hats. these people often tend to be clowns which just piles on the weirdness and irritation.

balloons are the ultimate instant gratification fix for children. 30 seconds of pleasure before hours of pain. everyone is drawn into the wonder, the beautiful color and then it hits: "mac got the green one! i wanted the green one!!" "no! i don't want it on my wrist! i want to hold it!" "waaah! my balloon blew away! it's gone FOREVER!"

and then there's the "POP!" followed by crying hysterics.

and grocery store clerks don't care. balloons give them the opportunity to get their own self-serving feel-good fix every time they say, "would you like a balloon?" even ecocentric Trader Joe's is willing to choke a few squirrels in effort to give kids a quick balloon fix. (of course, early brand recognition usually trumps passion for environment, but i digress...)

the balloon man that apparently lives at Joe's Crab Shack is a part of what the kids love about going there. this man is about 75 years old, short and looks like a mime with facial hair instead of make-up. what's even better is when he isn't roaming the restaurant, he's sitting at a card table with a very, very large lady that will paint your face for a fee. anyway, balloon man can't hear the kids so when mac said "i want a spiderman," what he got was a spider hat. for mac something like this just screws the whole night. his little 5 year old mind thinks - well, that's it. i wanted a balloon spiderman, instead i get this creepy hat. i'm pissed, the whole night is ruined. (i don't know where mac gets this...)

so he's yelling about the b.s. of his balloon animal hat while Old Man Mime makes bode this thing on my head. what the heck is this? none of us knew, but mr. imagination decided it was a football helmet, pulled it over his face and ate his ice cream through it. (and i really don't know where bode gets this...)

mac pulls himself together, has some ice cream and it's time to go. that's when he falls out of the booth on top the spider hat and parts of it pop. (you know, with balloon animal hats, they don't pop all at once.) balloon man appears happy to replace it. i ask, "mac, do you want something different?" he has a crocodile on his shirt, think quick - "how about a crocodile?" mac wipes his tears and nods. suddenly a crocodile balloon hat appears. by the time we got home, it was a snake hat. (you would think in this day and age of internet and digital t.v. that they could make balloon animals that would stay balloon animals.) by bedtime, the green balloon thing became a 3-pronged claw, before it began to shrivel. mac found his sense of humor and every time it unraveled a little more, we'd all laugh. this morning i asked him to get it so i could snap a shot for this post. he said, "mommy, i threw it in the garbage." good boy.

of course, i have loved balloons. i have decorated with balloons, given balloon bouquets. heck, i went to the great balloon race every year as a kid (that's another derby reference). i appreciate the idea of loving something simply for its beauty. i don't need balloons to serve a purpose, but until the joy they bring can outlast the turmoil, i will speak out against them. i will be M.A.B.!

louisville girl

2008-05-03T15:59:00.004-05:00

where i'm from today is more than a holiday. it's a generational ingraining of culture and heritage. it's the culmination of a never-ending festival that teaches and re-teaches us what it means when we sing "the sun shines bright on my old kentucky home." growing up in louisville, you just assume everyone all over the country is celebrating. maybe that's b/c the whole country is really just your neighborhood. nevertheless, you learn early on that there's never school on derby eve and most of your assignments april through early may will revolve around the festivities: history - history of horse racing, english - write a derby essay for the derby contest, math - count the horses (i don't know, i hate math.) music class - sing derby songs, art class - draw derby pictures. by the by, i did indeed win an honorable mention as a first grader in the Kentucky Derby Festival Student Art Contest for my painting of the Belle of Louisville. (that's a steamboat for those who don't know. she - yes, we call her "she," races the Delta Queen down the Ohio River every year in The Great Steamboat Race the wednesday before derby.)

louisville kids learn about the first saturday in may like they learn thanksgiving is the fourth thursday in november. little girls dream of being Derby Princess and making an appearance in the Pegasus parade. and everyone hopes someday they'll actually have the chance to sit in a seat at Churchill Downs. but many are just fine cramming into the infield or throwing a derby party.

today kids are running around at cook-outs, dads are drinking mint juleps and moms are baking derby pies. i'm sure jen h. is still in the third turn, and dannette has left chicago for the weekend to celebrate with her family.

every year i think to myself, it won't be a big deal this year. if i ever get cable and can actually have the coverage on the t.v. , maybe i'll have a party. i'm too busy. but then the week leading up i catch a blip on the news about it or something and i start feeling poopie. my sister and i attended a baby shower today and from there she had to go to a wedding no less. where i'm from, you don't get married on derby day. but around here, it seems it's just another day.

yes, i pout a bit on the first saturday in may. heck, i even fantasize about moving back "home."

while i don't think baby stella would stop jen from spending 12 hours at churchill downs today, maybe with 3 little girls, dannette has passed this year. i'm sure kate theil is out in crestview hills, digging in her garden as she mumbles "i can't even look at the t.v., it's too depressing."

we don't expect you to understand. we just ask that you pardon us if we're a little down today or in kate's case, a little cranky. tomorrow we'll be fine. and us cincy transplants will cheer on the flying pig runners and all that stuff. but today... well, it's just that today we know the greatest place to be on earth is a place we've called "home." we're louisville girls.

post time is in 2 hours. i think i have some Jim in the cabinet so there's still time to get in the spirit. after we watch the race, davidrussell says he's taking me to joe's crab shack for some over-priced seafood to cheer me up. we have gift cards and watching mac dance "carwash" with the hostesses is always a pick-me-up. oh, and did i mention, i actually do have cable now. if we still have it a year from now, maybe we'll have a derby party. i promise i'll post wonderful blog postings all about it, complete with recipes and photos and i won't be such a poop.

or maybe we'll just go...

little man baseball

2008-04-26T06:39:00.011-05:00

Baseball arrived at our house on a sunny spring afternoon when we least expected it. an old t-shirt and a forgotten cap gifted on an occasion no one recalls suddenly became very important.

"this ain't just some song about cracker jacks..."

maybe you should do this...

2008-04-25T09:47:00.003-05:00

http://www.crossroads.net/gomamelodi

"get your head in the game..."

2008-03-28T08:46:00.000-05:00

david's off on fridays so in our house, it's like saturday morning...

right now in mac's room there are dinosaurs, trucks and a few Lightening McQueens lined up across mac's shelf. mac faced them all forward and treated them with front row seats to the "show." the boys (all 3) are singing and dancing... "why do i feel so wrong? my head's in the game, but my heart's in the song..." 2 out of 3 know the words. 2 out of 3 are naked.

i'm in the kitchen now. i can hear elephants above my head... "this feeling's like no other, i want you to know..."

sometimes days are poopie

2008-03-26T17:59:00.000-05:00

today has been rough. lots of seemingly redeeming events have been included throughout - i got up early and read the Word, c'mon. lori came by with the kids, krissy called, and mary... it's the first beautiful day in awhile. and still, this day has sucked.

on sunday, i'll be completing my 7th month as a stay-at-home mom. i'm still trying to learn how to mother my children like it's not the weekend. i'm still trying to learn the Ecclesiastes of my everyday:

to every hour there is season, and a time to every purpose under mothering.

a time to lie down, a time wake up.

a time to snack, a time to say no.

a time to call husband, a time to refrain from calling.

a time to play, a time to teach chores.

a time for tv, a time for crafts.

a time for friends, a time for solitude.

a time to clean, a time to refrain from cleaning.

today was one of those days when by lunchtime my boys started speaking to each other in that "we're in this together" tone, like suddenly their lives have become "Shawshank." i remember speaking to my sister like that. "just keep cool. eat your carrots and no one will get hurt. don't make eye contact." today i was the crooked warden.

we did make it outside. i was pretty cranky, but it's easier outside b/c then they can run around and they're not as likely to hang on you like baby chimps. this is all in theory, of course. we broke out the new bubbles auntie erin gave us for easter. mac asked if i would blow bubbles while he caught them. sure, mac.

experts say this is a great activity to relieve stress; a way to teach children how to deal with their anger as it teaches them to take deep breaths, etc. all this information came flooding back to me as i was blowing bubbles... then i was really pissed.

easter conversations with mac

2008-03-23T09:42:00.010-05:00

friday night we colored eggs. while we waited for the eggs, david told mac and bode the story of easter. "and so Jesus died but on easter, he rose from the dead. He's alive!" excited, mac replied, "well, you know what?! when i was little, men on horses chased me with swords. they chased me and they fight me and they kill't me!" his head lowered and in a low voice he repeated, "they kill't me."

me - "well, what happened? did you come back to life?"

mac - "no. i died." oh.

this morning in kids' club, mac sat next to mr. darin in the big circle time. making his day, mr. darin was thrilled to share this one with me:

the teacher says, "today is easter and that means Jesus is alive!"

mac calls out - "what about Elvis? Elvis is alive."

it's only 10:30 am. can't wait to see what other "prophecy" awaits us...

happy easter. Jesus is alive! and maybe elvis...

we lost maggie today

2008-03-22T18:19:00.006-05:00

this is fairly common... losing maggie. she can open the gate and has even been known to climb the fence. she's feisty and clever for an old black lab mix. we've replaced latches, blocked the gate, etc. but none of that matters when someone or some dog just needs to get out.

usually we can stand on the porch and call her and she'll come right back. if that doesn't work, then maybe we walk a few houses to the end of the block, call her again and she comes right back. there's no need to scoop her up; she runs right to the porch, wagging her tail.

then there are those incidents when we haven't even realized she's escaped before a neighbor knocks - "found maggie out running around. here she is..."

but today was different. maggie was gone. i was about to take the boys to the grocery. we were in the "1/2 shoes, 1/2 no shoes" stage. mac was instructed to put on his shoes, hat and coat. bode was told to "stay on the couch. don't move." they knew it was serious. "mommy, maggie's gone?"

i went outside and scanned the block, calling her. nothing. then, i heard her little fast paws running... nope, just wind blowing some leaves. david is at work, and suddenly, i have a situation. no collar, but she has a chip. she knows how to get home, but has no clue that cars will kill her. this could be ugly.

i come back inside, the boys are waiting - obediently. "mac, go out on the porch and yell for maggie. don't stop." like a little soldier, mac follows orders exactly. i put bode's shoes, hat and coat on. he's deployed - "go out on the porch and help your brother."

i need a coat, it's freezing. i can hear the boys on the porch. "MAG-GIE!" i grab my phone and lock the door. the grocery will have to wait.

and we're off. it's a strange day - cloudy, 34 degrees, not a soul in sight. it's about 4:30 pm.

"ok, boys. we have to walk around and call for maggie. be loud and don't stop."

we head up 8th street. "MAG-GIE!"

mac (5) - "maggie's our dog. we lost her. we have to find her!"

bode (2 3/4) - "maybe we should split up."

me - "let's go this way, boys. keep yelling."

we head down the alley toward 9th st. "MAG-GIE!" i listen as the boys stay concerned, yet optimistic. mac reflects on his love for maggie. bode insists "we'll find her." i waited for them to complain about the cold. bode always whines about needing mittens. but there was none of that. their hands shoved in their pockets, noses red and runny, they pressed forward, calling for their dog. bode worked to keep up with our pace. mac never stopped calling and never complained. i thought, what am i going to do if we find her lying in the street?

we've been out about 30 minutes. we head back to our block to tell our neighbors. it's windy and still freezing. i still have to go to the grocery... and start cooking for easter... and david will be gone for hours to come. we're about to load into the car for a wider search when maggie comes running full speed down 8th st. and right up to the porch. our mouths drop, we all jump up and down - "maggie! maggie! you're home! good girl!" she runs inside the house. the boys are hugging her and i'm showering her with peanut butter crackers. mac and bode tell her, "we love you, girl. we're so glad you're home. we missed you."

within a few minutes, we're back on track. "ok, boys. we're going to kroger. mac, please put maggie up. bode put your hat back on." and off we go.

it was an hour i can't get back. but for what i learned about those 2 little men today, i wouldn't trade a thing. i thought maggie was gone for good this time. as we walked, i wondered what we would do, how the boys would take it and so on. i was afraid she was hurt. we adore maggie. she is calm and super sweet; i don't want to lose her. but losing her today was a gift. an opportunity to catch a glimpse of my sons' hearts and character. mac leading us - "let's go this way. let's try the park." and bode insisting we keep going. i watched in awe and felt blessed to know them.

what a great day - losing maggie.

st. patty's day and eel tossing continued...

2008-03-19T07:20:00.006-05:00

the cincinnati enquirer was quite taken with the youngest in our gaggle of st. patty's day eel tossers. not only did she make the video, but also leah made the front page of the Local section in yesterday's paper. of course, mama mary was most excited about the headline. "cast 'em out, leah, girl. holla!" (i think we're due a post on this blog about authority...)

happy st. patrick's day in cincinnati

2008-03-17T13:04:00.018-05:00

a stay-at-home mom often feels inspired on holidays. on MLK Jr. day, she might head down to the museum for a civil rights coloring contest or maybe on Lincoln's birthday, she might teach her kids how to build a log cabin.

so it was only natural that a few of us moms take our kids down to fountain square for a little pub fare and ale. there had been some nonsense talk of attending the public library's festivities, but then we found out the library doesn't serve guinness. who needs story time when there are punk irish bands to be heard, bangers to be eaten and eels to be tossed?

leah made us all famous with her eel-tossing skills. watch this video:

http://news.enquirer.com/apps/pbcs.dll/articleAID=/20080317/VIDEO05/303170109/1035/LIFE

yes, it was chilly, but most of us enjoyed the day and we were all home by nap time.

"Alex" the Police Horse was the star of the show.

this was a nice change from pb & j and goldfish crackers.

lori and mary and (jeremiah who was probably the warmest of all of us...)

i've longed for the day i would teach my son to toss an eel. what a proud moment.

where's PETA when you need them?

pinch me

2008-03-12T17:51:00.002-05:00

it's here. and it's open. now i don't have to get a hotel room in pittsburgh to buy a lamp.

i thought i knew all there was to know about IKEA, but at today's grand opening, i discovered:

- exactly where employees take their smoke breaks.

- "this stuff don't look european." (actual quote from a lady shopper.)

- people will do just about anything to get a free chair... or even a catalog.

now that ohio has an IKEA (and thank God it's not in cleveland), maybe the founder of this website can move on with her life:

http://www.ohikea.com

wow. get a man or some community... or something.

ky blizzard '08

2008-03-11T08:22:00.018-05:00

don't be shocked when it snows a foot in march. i'm telling you, if you want freedom and happiness, live your march life understanding that if it's going to snow a foot in the ohio valley, it's going to happen in march. hold onto the promise that flip-flop season is coming and surrender to winter's last gift. embrace it, eat it, make it into snowballs and throw it at people.

the boys were geeked (adult boys included.) this was the kind of snow you could swim in...

we in the 700 block are good. we're good at watching teenagers in the alley break the law... or laws of physics. we're good at watching our kids bug the newlyweds. we're good at incorporating delicious alcoholic beverages into every community event. and, emphatically, we will call 911 on your ass so fast, your head will spin.

saturday we discovered we're very good at snow. the kramers and the johnsons joined us for some sledding, tunneling and the first annual watch-dad-relive-his-youth amateur snowball fight.

the newlyweds are born and raised michigan folks, so they talk a "big snow talk." nowhere to be found, davidrussell and mr. drew chucked snowballs at their newlywed doors and windows. it took a good 15 minutes before anyone even came to the door. newlywed neil said something about "working on a house project." is that what you kids are calling it these days? put some clothes on, for the love.

anyway, weather is a miracle. i love it.

here's some more pics...

you want some, mr. drew?! YOU WANT SOME?

hi daddy:)

bode bear in his cave.

twas a wondrous blanket that could make even a backyard in newport beautiful. we are grateful. now bring on the flip-flops!

the giants have done it again!

2008-03-08T15:39:00.007-05:00

high five! great news! They Might be Giants released a new kids album, "here come the 123s!" we don't own it... yet. no doubt, it's awesome. and the good news is the dvd and cd come in one case for about 18 bucks. we love "here come the ABCs." kids love it, and the music isn't nauseating for mom and dad. heck, it's how mac learned the alphabet.

throw this baby in along with some colored eggs, and your easter basket is done.

buh-bye, brett.

2008-03-05T07:50:00.006-05:00

my old friend, brett favre, has finally decided to retire. after 17 years, he has seized the opportunity to go out on one of his higher notes.

yes, brett and i go way back. it all started in panama city beach, spring break '93(ish). my housemate/sorority sister, kristen quint, was approached by a hot dude offering to buy her a drink. she had no idea who he was so he bought the bar a round of drinks to prove it. she asked, "what's a packer?" i, of course, wasn't in panama city but that's how the story goes. so we all return to the good ole AGD house and process quint's story with a collective "GET OUT OF HERE!" and so began my relationship with brett. come with me, cyndi, kerri, jill, chip, as we reminisce...

the downstairs phone was our general line. upstairs was a pay phone where we were to call long distance and receive personal phone calls. my room was next to the pay phone so when brett called, it was sometimes i that would pick up. he was quite the talker -

me - "hello?" or did we answer "alpha gam?" (i can't remember.)

brett - "is kristen there?"

me - ohmahgahohmahgah "uh, no, may i take a message?"

brett - yeah, could you tell her brett called?

me - holy crap. ohmahgah. think of something to say. "sure, brett, does she have your number?"

brett - "yes."

me - "are you sure?" kelly, you're an idiot.

brett - "yes." kelly, you've pissed him off. he hates you.

me - "alrightie then. i'll tell her."

brett - "thanks." click.

immediately i call my dad. "dad, holy crap! i just talked to brett favre! i love him, daddy. i love him. i didn't tell him, dad, i didn't tell him. i'm so sorry. i didn't tell him i'm a browns fan. oh gah. oh GAH!" my dad responds - "holy crap! you just talked to brett favre. woo him away and marry him!"

me - "alas, father, my fraternal sister holds him in her heart. i cannot. i cannot."

dad - "bless you, daughter, for you have lived your college years with purity and integrity. go south then and learn the knowledge."

me - "yes, father. thank you."

the following football season kristen tasted the NFL girlfriend limelight and would return to murray, ky to tell the tales. she attended brett's first shoot with GQ in L.A. it was apart of a larger NFL shoot and so she told of sitting by the pool with emmitt smith's girlfriend, charging drinks to the room. she drove her little beat-up pinto-type car to green bay for home games and spent new years eve in nashville with george strait among others. and then it all came crashing down. brett reunited with his ex-girlfriend, who is now his wife. days passed, the pay phone rang, but it wasn't brett. (it was usually a bootie call for rae...)

congratulations, brett. go back home and be with your kids and your wife (who looks disturbingly like kristen). you've poured into the NFL, the city of green bay and probably a charity or 2. go pour into your family. God bless you. we affirm your decision.

oh yeah!

2008-02-27T20:00:00.003-05:00

this is pretty funny. but mostly i'm just excited i successfully embedded something. the blog gods are pleased.

mmm...mmm...good

2008-02-25T08:02:00.001-05:00

perhaps you've heard: the flu doesn't care if you've received a shot or not. he is, apparently, still free to infect whomever he pleases as doctors are saying the '07-'08 flu season is especially bad. it seems there was a communication breakdown in the influenza corporation and the flu strand included in the shot, is not the flu strand doing the infecting. computer virus, or someone doctored a memo - who knows... but one thing is for sure: come the end of the fiscal year, heads are gonna roll at F.L.U., Inc.

i caught a news report that said, "the best way to avoid the flu is to get plenty of sleep, exercise and eat right." wow. really? i'd rather just get a shot thanks so much. i mean, doing all 3 of those things at the same time? when is enough enough?! what's next? reduce, reuse, and recycle? stop, drop and roll? someone needs to draw the line.

anyway, here's something that's sure to cure what ails you - some homemade chicken noodle soup. davidrussell had the icks yesterday and this is just what the doctor ordered. one of cincinnati's finest chefs, kate nicholson, created this recipe. whip some up and enjoy! (and yes, "some" is an actual recipe measurement.)

kate's chicken noodle soup

3-4 chicken breasts

2 carrots (peeled and sliced)

a few stalks of celery (depends on how much you don't hate celery)

some cremini mushrooms

1 onion (chopped)

3-4 boxes free range chicken broth

egg noodles (i use 3/4 of one bag; depends on your noodle mood.)

some oregano

2 bay leaves

some curry powder

some sea salt

1/2 some of pepper

1. boil chicken, drain water. (i recommend slow boil, the chicken falls apart more easily.)

2. chop veggies and mushrooms.

3. saute veggies and mushrooms in olive oil for about 4 minutes.

4. combine chicken with broth. add veggies and mushrooms, slow boil.

5. add spices to taste

6. add noodles

7. stir and simmer for 1 hour or until noodles are soft.

serve it with some yummy salad, or a tasty grilled cheese sandwich. or carb it out with a big wad of bread. ooo, mama.

blockbuster hit of 1982

2008-02-21T20:29:00.002-05:00

so the other day i'm flipping channels and there's kristy mcnichol in that row boat, turning that crank, singing, "i'm done. i've had enough of pumpin' and a' blowin'..." i immediately chimed in with her. am i the only one that remembers this blockbuster hit?

c'mon, the cartoon fish...that turned into lips? anyone?

no hoarding my hoarding story

2008-02-20T16:19:00.013-05:00

i'm a recovering hoarder. my first memory of hoarding is eating a little package of cheese and crackers and thinking - "this little plastic cheese-spreader-thing is kinda cool. i might need this for Barbies." i tossed it in my top dresser drawer, my first "junk drawer." i was 6 years old.

hoarders always have a "really good reason" for why they are hoarding whatever it is. at 6, my reason was "i might need this for Barbies." after all, Barbie was always finding herself in unique scenarios and experiences and if a little girl doesn't own every Barbie thing, then she has to improvise. when i was 8 or 10, i remember my step mom was fixing my hair in front of the dresser mirror. i opened my top drawer to get a brush amidst the dozens of cheese and cracker spreaders. laughing, she picked one up and asked, "what are all these?" i said, "i collect cheese and cracker spreaders."

"why?

"i don't know. i just think they're cool."

she did not do or say anything to make me feel bad. but some how i felt a little embarrassed. no one knew i had that "collection" until that day. it was like a secret. i would grow up to understand this feeling as shame.

hoarders chalk their hoarding up to "collections." proclaiming one's self a collector is an excellent way to stay in denial, mask the truth and continue the behavior. this gets worse when one makes declarations to the world about their identity through their collection. (this doesn't make "collectors" hoarders, of course. but it does help hoarders hide behind "collecting.")

i joined a sorority in college. our sorority mascot was the squirrel. i wore a few squirrel shirts, had a stuffed squirrel or 2. 4 years later, i had close to 50 squirrels in one form or another. i purchased very few of them. most were gifts; people think they are really loving on a hoarder when they add to their collection. "hey, we see that much of your identity is wrapped up in this particular thing and we see this thing seems to make you happy. we want to make you happy, so we're going to perpetuate that for you. here's another squirrel." the "really good reason" for keeping the squirrels goes like this - "well, i'm an alpha gam. and alpha gams are squirrels. so this proves i'm me, right?)" lovingly, davidrussell chimes in - gee, honey... it all makes sense. i mean, what do squirrels do? i try to remember all the special things that the founders of AGD said that squirrels do...i know there's something about being energetic. i guess they energetically hoard.

i didn't know i was a hoarder. i thought everyone was like me, but some were more organized. marrying davidrussell helped, but it took a while. the first 1/2 of our marriage, he just enabled me. he's very organized and a neat freak so he just found more clever ways to deal with my stuff. 3 years into our first house, just the 2 of us living in a 3 bedroom, with a full unfinished basement and we were renting a storage unit for $60 a month. (hoarding actually costs money.) i had boxes that hadn't been opened since our family moved when i was 13. now i was paying to have them stored and i didn't even know what was in them.

i certainly don't condone 85 year-olds living with 45 cats and 18 dogs in a house of trash... but i understand how they get there. for me, the hoarding was all fear-based. i was afraid to throw stuff away. "what if i need it? what if we don't have any money and we can't afford to buy another? what if this special person finds out i tossed the gift they gave me 5 years ago?" fear should never be the root of any decision - ever.

anyway, today, ain't no fear in this girl and ain't no junk in this girl's house. how i got there is another story. word up.

War of Art

2007-04-06T07:03:00.001-05:00

i just finished The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. i mean like just now read the last page. it would be a travesty not to immediately write something. Pressfield is a fiction writer but this book is about the true depth, intensity and consistancy re: creativity. particularly the specific idea we each uniquely have. i've never read anything like it, great book. half the book is about "Resistance," a strategy of the enemy. it's a quick read, so read it.
discovering this book at this particular time in my life is no coincidence. for about 2 years i feel like i've been slowly waking up to pieces of truth that someone stole from me. as if i had it long ago and sort of forgot about it or assumed it was lost, etc. and then i saw someone else walking down the street with it and, all of a sudden, i'm like "hey, jerk! those are mine!" probably 8 or 12 years ago is when the thievery began. it's been an inconspicuous and gradual thing, like if you have a cleaning lady that steals one CD or DVD everytime she comes over. and maybe she doesn't even take the case, just the actual DVD so you have no idea when it disappeared and assume you lost it, i.e. "it must be me. i must have misplaced it. surely no one is malicious and inscrupulous enough to actually take my movie." (see, even that is a part of the lie that replaced the truth.)
so what am i talking about?
it's the assumption that there's an expectation to give up pieces of myself in exchange for welcoming new pieces. in other words, "now that i am a wife, i can no longer be a BLANK." "now that i am a mother, i can no longer be a BLANK." ok, let's be clear. this isn't a black and white issue. i mean if the sentence is "now that i am a wife, i can no longer be a prostitute." i would say, yes, that's a good decision, dear. i'm talking about receiving labels and letting that be the ultimate definition of us. being enslaved by our labels.
when i became a mother, i was already very happy and in love with my husband. then, i discovered a whole new version. wow! but for years, inside i had been mourning my old self. for some reason i believed i had to trade parts of me in. like there wasn't room for all of me.
i'm not talking about growth. growth is good. maturing, gaining wisdom - all good.
i'm not talking about sacrifice. sacrifice and serving my family - all very good.
i'm talking about who am i? i'm not a wife, a copywriter, a mom, a pathetic wannabe runner, etc. i'm kelly. kelly happens to be a wife, etc. you get it. i'm called to be a wife, a mother, etc. but what does that mean?
i used to believe there might be more for me, more to see, taste, be. when did i stop believing that? when did i think i had eaten at all the great restaurants (that's a metaphor, by the bye.) don't call the cheese police yet, i'm done for now.
and anyway, i don't have all this figured out. i'm learning. i also don't have this blog all figured out. for example, i just lost 2 full paragraphs i had written and i can't find spell check.

let's start with something serious...

2007-04-01T12:20:00.001-05:00

the flat iron is changing my life. it's unbelievable. i mean, have you heard of these things? do you own one?! it is a revolutionary device. i'm convinced this is the only thing used on all those makeover shows. they just take people in the back and flat iron their hair and TA-DAH! you're a new woman, honey.
i owned one years ago. it sort of sucked. this time, i actually broke down and bought one at a beauty place, paid $45 for it, i.e. i got the cheapest one and at a discount. (Beauty First is the one of the few places that makes it worth getting the little key chain card. unlike Hallmark, where after i spend $8,000 they send my a $3 coupon. thanks, hallmark.)
this flat iron is hotter than the sun. i left davidrussell's sporty NIKE watch sitting near it and it melted the rubber strap. awesome. the only thing more fun than telling him i paid $45 for a flat iron was "and, by the by... i melted your watch on it."
it's really inspired me to not only grow my hair long again, but shower in general. i might even pursue that acting/modeling career all of you always told me i should pursue. thanks for never giving up on me. watch for me on next year's 30-something american idol show on the WB. after i win, i'll tear up and say it's all b/c of my flat iron.

so anyway, here's what i'm talking about. i'll share, contemplate, do some blog-aloud-processing. share where i'm at on important issues with y'all. issues like child-raising, marriage, flat irons and what the hell happened to that newlywed dude that fell off the cruise ship?! i mean, seriously, what HAPPENED to that guy?

we'll see how this goes...