buh-bye, brett.

my old friend, brett favre, has finally decided to retire. after 17 years, he has seized the opportunity to go out on one of his higher notes. 

yes, brett and i go way back. it all started in panama city beach, spring break '93(ish). my housemate/sorority sister, kristen quint, was approached by a hot dude offering to buy her a drink. she had no idea who he was so he bought the bar a round of drinks to prove it. she asked, "what's a packer?" i, of course, wasn't in panama city but that's how the story goes. so we all return to the good ole AGD house and process quint's story with a collective "GET OUT OF HERE!" and so began my relationship with brett. come with me, cyndi, kerri, jill, chip, as we reminisce... 

the downstairs phone was our general line. upstairs was a pay phone where we were to call long distance and receive personal phone calls. my room was next to the pay phone so when brett called, it was sometimes i that would pick up. he was quite the talker -

me - "hello?" or did we answer "alpha gam?" (i can't remember.)

brett - "is kristen there?"

me - ohmahgahohmahgah "uh, no, may i take a message?"

brett - yeah, could you tell her brett called?

me - holy crap. ohmahgah. think of something to say. "sure, brett, does she have your number?"

brett - "yes." 

me - "are you sure?" kelly, you're an idiot.

brett - "yes." kelly, you've pissed him off. he hates you.

me - "alrightie then. i'll tell her."

brett - "thanks." click. 

immediately i call my dad. "dad, holy crap! i just talked to brett favre! i love him, daddy. i love him. i didn't tell him, dad, i didn't tell him. i'm so sorry. i didn't tell him i'm a browns fan. oh gah. oh GAH!" my dad responds - "holy crap! you just talked to brett favre. woo him away and marry him!" 

me - "alas, father, my fraternal sister holds him in her heart. i cannot. i cannot."

dad - "bless you, daughter, for you have lived your college years with purity and integrity. go south then and learn the knowledge." 

me - "yes, father. thank you." 

the following football season kristen tasted the NFL girlfriend limelight and would return to murray, ky to tell the tales. she attended brett's first shoot with GQ in L.A. it was apart of a larger NFL shoot and so she told of sitting by the pool with emmitt smith's girlfriend, charging drinks to the room. she drove her little beat-up pinto-type car to green bay for home games and spent new years eve in nashville with george strait among others. and then it all came crashing down. brett reunited with his ex-girlfriend, who is now his wife. days passed, the pay phone rang, but it wasn't brett. (it was usually a bootie call for rae...) 

congratulations, brett. go back home and be with your kids and your wife (who looks disturbingly like kristen). you've poured into the NFL, the city of green bay and probably a charity or 2. go pour into your family. God bless you. we affirm your decision.