get M.A.B.!

i'm MAB! i'm MAB and i'm not gonna take it anymore. join me in the fight! join Moms Against Balloons. 

i hate balloons. i hate balloon animals, i hate balloon animal hats. and i have a strong dislike for people who earn money making balloon animal hats. these people often tend to be clowns which just piles on the weirdness and irritation. 

balloons are the ultimate instant gratification fix for children. 30 seconds of pleasure before hours of pain. everyone is drawn into the wonder, the beautiful color and then it hits: "mac got the green one! i wanted the green one!!" "no! i don't want it on my wrist! i want to hold it!" "waaah! my balloon blew away! it's gone FOREVER!" 

and then there's the "POP!" followed by crying hysterics. 

and grocery store clerks don't care. balloons give them the opportunity to get their own self-serving feel-good fix every time they say, "would you like a balloon?" even ecocentric Trader Joe's is willing to choke a few squirrels in effort to give kids a quick balloon fix. (of course, early brand recognition usually trumps passion for environment, but i digress...)

the balloon man that apparently lives at Joe's Crab Shack is a part of what the kids love about going there. this man is about 75 years old, short and looks like a mime with facial hair instead of make-up. what's even better is when he isn't roaming the restaurant, he's sitting at a card table with a very, very large lady that will paint your face for a fee. anyway, balloon man can't hear the kids so when mac said "i want a spiderman," what he got was a spider hat. for mac something like this just screws the whole night. his little 5 year old mind thinks - well, that's it. i wanted a balloon spiderman, instead i get this creepy hat. i'm pissed, the whole night is ruined. (i don't know where mac gets this...) 

so he's yelling about the b.s. of his balloon animal hat while Old Man Mime makes bode this thing on my head. what the heck is this? none of us knew, but mr. imagination decided it was a football helmet, pulled it over his face and ate his ice cream through it. (and i really don't know where bode gets this...)

mac pulls himself together, has some ice cream and it's time to go. that's when he falls out of the booth on top the spider hat and parts of it pop. (you know, with balloon animal hats, they don't pop all at once.) balloon man appears happy to replace it. i ask, "mac, do you want something different?" he has a crocodile on his shirt, think quick - "how about a crocodile?" mac wipes his tears and nods. suddenly a crocodile balloon hat appears. by the time we got home, it was a snake hat. (you would think in this day and age of internet and digital t.v. that they could make balloon animals that would stay balloon animals.) by bedtime, the green balloon thing became a 3-pronged claw, before it began to shrivel. mac found his sense of humor and every time it unraveled a little more, we'd all laugh. this morning i asked him to get it so i could snap a shot for this post. he said, "mommy, i threw it in the garbage." good boy. 

of course, i have loved balloons. i have decorated with balloons, given balloon bouquets. heck, i went to the great balloon race every year as a kid (that's another derby reference). i appreciate the idea of loving something simply for its beauty. i don't need balloons to serve a purpose, but until the joy they bring can outlast the turmoil, i will speak out against them. i will be M.A.B.!