fall and the first trimester

september was a blur. i don't remember much after the wedding, other than sleeping a lot and eating a lot of carbs. my due date is april 23, only a month earlier than bode's due date. so i was in my first trimester in the fall of '04 as well. i remember being at parky's farm, surrounded by a zillion little cookie monsters and fairies, thinking i was going to puke any minute. i gained weight quickly and, of course, my chest was larger, so i had 2 shirts i could wear and i wore them all through october. that next october, bode was 4 months old and my weight had come full circle so that those 2 shirts were the only ones, once again, that fit me. but every time i tried to put one of them on, i felt nauseous. not kidding. especially, the green one. just looking at it made me sick. i gave them to good will and got new shirts. isn't that crazy? i hope that doesn't happen to me again b/c i like my fall shirts.

so i've been pretty useless. davidrussell, on the other hand, is amazing. he's been practically flying solo for 2 months. 

i'm feeling a lot better now - although i'm not sure i'm at 100%. i can't remember what that feels like. i also am wondering just how much of my energy used to come from caffeine. i know i love coffee entirely too much. (i mean, the kind with caffeine.) i've been drinking it for 20 years! i love having it first thing in the morning and how it gets me going. i love sharing some over good conversation. i love having a to-go cup in the car as i'm headed to some destination. and i know that caffeine gives me energy. and i have depended on that. i don't think that's good. so i'm considering staying off caffeine indefinitely. so then where will my morning energy come from? a glass of water? a healthy diet? God? i have no idea how people get moving in the morning without coffee. really. where does energy come from? 

i'm certainly asking Him about all this and asking for energy. but i'm not sure i'll get any of these answers for another year, as i'll be in no-sleep-newborn land for a while. so the question will be - will i be able to hold out til baby is sleeping through the night and all things are equal? "all things through Christ," right? we'll see what He says.