weepy

i'm weepy. extra weepy, i should say. i'm definitely someone who tends to tear up. i have learned that's entirely ok, but it's a pain if you have on make-up. when i worked at crossroads, i would tell new female hires "bring your make-up to work" b/c a God conversation or "heart conversation" could break out any minute and you find yourself sobbing before lunch. anyway, i first discovered i was extra weepy when i was driving down the road, minding my own business and "fancy" came on the radio. next thing i know, i'm totally crying. "here's your one chance, fancy. don't let me down." her momma's just trying to move her up town. dear god, what a story. this sort of weepiness is down right embarrassing. i'm in my car, i'm alone and yet i've got that feeling like i hope i'm not on a reality show right now. 

commercials like this don't help at all:

come on! weep me out! i promise you there are women out there that watch this commercial and for a split second wish they could not hear. 

ok so anyway, i'm weepy. it's easy to write it off as pregnant hormones and maybe physically that's some of what's going on. but i know that my physical, my spiritual -- all that is connected. so if my spirit is extra sensitive right now, i want to be open to that. being pregnant is definitely a constant state of vulnerability. people are constantly analyzing your body, your feelings ("how are you feeling?"), your general state of affairs ("are you ready for the baby?"). i don't mean in a critical way, i just mean that's the general topic of conversation. so if one isn't used to be analyzed all the time, it can feel vulnerable to say the least. i don't mind any of this. i'm just wondering about my weepiness. I Timothy 2:15 says "But women will be saved through childbearing - if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety." i mention that to point out that stuff can definitely happen in our spirit when we bear a child. so maybe something is happening in mine. 

here's some weepy i don't mind: pregnant-at-christmas weepy. man, if you believe in the whole Jesus thing and your listening to someone read about little pregnant mary while you're feeling a little fist punching your blatter... well, all i can say is if that doesn't make you cry, you must lack tear ducts and a soul. 

it is such a blessing to be nauseous, exhausted, fat and swollen as you reflect on the birth of Christ. i believe every word of the Bible, literally. but there's so much i just can't imagine. for example, i cannot imagine living in a boat for 40 days with 2 of every animal and my extended family. maybe one or the other, but not both. i cannot imagine being inside the belly of a fish. but i can, a little bit, put myself in mary's sandals and imagine my big pregnant arse on a camel hoping i don't go into labor until we reach our destination. ok, see... i'm doing it right now. weepy, weepy. 

there's only one thing to do now...

(come on, you knew this was coming.)